London Calling! Christmas Entry 2008

Hello! I know you all missed me. I took a bit of a break from the blog after the honeymoon. After the adventures in Europe, life in Boston seemed a bit boring. Not much to write about. But now I'm back at it in grand style!

First, I'd like to tell you that I finally have a friend that is from the UK who has made it into my cell phone. I can, at long last, assign London Calling by the Clash to a number in my cell phone and have it make sense! Thanks Steve!! I have been waiting a long time to do that.

Last night I played trivia. Poorly I might add. It was not one of my finest showings. One of the questions that was asked was: What children's game was designed in the 1940s by Eleanor Abbott, while she was recovering from polio? Answer: Candyland.

Of course, being the genius I am, I over-thought the whole thing and reasoned that the girl is recovering from polio so she is probably dreaming about the things she can't do because of her condition. Things like climbing up ladders and sliding down chutes. Thus my answer (my wrong answer) Chutes and Ladders.

That is when my UK buddy, Steve, said to me; "Oh you mean it's not Snakes and Ladders here?"

"Snakes?!?! You have your children slide down snakes?"

I remember playing Chutes and Ladders as a child. It's bad enough that when you get to a chute you have to go back and cover ground you had already worked so hard to get through. Especially that really big one that went from all the way from box 87 to box 24. Childhood devastation was the big chute! But to add to the trauma of certain board game defeat by having to slide down a snake? What are those UKers thinking?

See for yourself.

Here's the game I remember.























Now here is a version of Snakes and Ladders that I found online.























Look at the one at the bottom bearing his teeth! Good heavens!

To all of you last minute Christmas shoppers out there especially in the UK, please steer clear of the game that involves sliding into the jaws of a snake.

And my Christmas wish to you all...May your holiday season be all ladders that go from box 28 to box 84! Happy Holidays!!

Tunisia

We are at our last port and two hours from now we will be shoving off for our last day of our vacation. I know I’ll be leaving for home with mixed feelings. I will look forward to living in my home again. This little cabin is pretty confining and the shower is teeny tiny. I’ll miss waking up in a new city every day and the feeling that there is a new adventure lying ahead. I will not miss dressing for dinner every night. What a pain.

Tunis was interesting but slightly disappointing. Our tour guide was a long winded idiot. He gave information that should have taken 10 minutes in 3 hours. He just kept repeating himself over and over and pausing for dramatic effect in between every other word. We did see some amazing things like the place where they did human sacrifices and aqueducts that were remarkably well preserved. Too bad the crappy tour didn’t actually stop at the aqueducts so I couldn’t get a picture. Grrr. Oh and the locals chucked rocks at us as we were leaving. I don’t recommend Tunisia.

We came back to the boat, took a soak in the hot tub and decided to nap. In doing so I kicked the camera off the bed and broke my lens. It still works but the zoom is acting really funny. I can’t believe it. I CAN’T BELIEVE IT! Grrr.

I am sad to be leaving and getting back to reality but part of me is ready. I miss all of you! We’ll see you soon!

Oh, and Michael rode a camel.

The Snowman

Malta

We’re in Malta and the weather has finally broken and it turned out to be a beautiful day! I’m sitting on our veranda snacking on spicy, garlicky olives as I write this and my super awesome husband is off getting me a pina colada. Our ports were amazing rain or shine and we had a really great time in all of them so far but at times we were making the best of it, especially in Pompei, and that’s just not how you want to be feeling on vacation.

Ah yes now I have the pina colada and am properly inspired.

Up until today we have been shaken out of bed every morning as we dock by the ships engines. I’m not sure why they are more powerful as we dock, but like clockwork at 6:30am our room feels like it’s suffering from an earthquake. One morning it was so violent it shook my water glass right off the bedside table and sent it crashing to the floor. This morning was the first that we were able to sleep past 7:30 (the day we were at sea we did too but we were all prepared to sleep till like 10 or so when they made a public announcement bong bong get up and see mount Etna on the starboard side. Grrrr. Happy to see Etna but man we really needed to sleep in) since we were tugged in to Valetta.

We went through the Messina strait yesterday and it is really something to see. I didn’t have a clue that a) Italy and Sicily were so close together and b) that Sicily was so flipping big. We could see it all night on our trip and on a clear day you can actually see it from the north side of Malta. After spending some time on the very windy deck to take pics of the strait we headed down for our spa treatments. It was the second best spa treatment of my life (Costa Rica wins that contest every time hands down.) I got a seaweed wrap and half body massage. Michael got a full body massage. We were like jello afterward.

Today was Malta and we went to Mdina via open bus and had a look around. Very interesting city. We had a pizza and baguette for lunch (I love the way Europeans eat) and then headed back to the boat. It was an especially short day at this port. It’s 4pm now and the boat is ready for departure. Malta is very nice but it is really hard to follow up Rome and Pompei . There is just no comparison. Even in the rain those two ports blew me away. Tomorrow is Tunisia and we have a tour booked to go to Carthage. I think it’s a half day tour which is good because I would really like to at least swim in the Mediterranean Sea once on this trip. It’s just been too cold and miserable to even consider it. Malta was sunny but still a bit too cool to go for a swim with no towels to warm us after the dip.

We have found people to hang out with which was no small task since 80% of this boat is 80 years of age or better. Michael and I were invited to a special cocktail reception at 11:30am (weird time) for honeymooners and guests celebrating their anniversary. There were very few honeymooners and most of the couples were celebrating their 50th anniversary.
Our niche is the martini bar. It’s frosted over by a refrigeration unit and creates “snow” on the bar. So, of course we made a snowman. We went there initially because the music is tolerable and the atmosphere is relaxing. We met a really nice gay couple from Los Angeles and now we have dinner with them since the couple next to their old table kept flashing them death looks. We see them ever night at the martini bar at 7pm on the dot. After a few nights we read our daily information paper and turns out 7pm at the Martini Bar is “Friends of Dorothy” hour. I really think that a majority of the passengers on the boat have no clue what that even means.

Our “Isaac” is actually named Jonny. He is quite nice.

One more port and one day at sea and this is all over. See you all soon!

Ciao, Beautiful Orange Hat

On our tour to Pompei our tour guide was a real character. He was cracking us up at every turn (and trust me the road to the top of Vesuvius has a lot of turns). He was almost offensive but he rode the edge well and had everyone in stitches. At the end of the tour we were stuck with a 50 euro note, too much for a tip, and a few coins, not nearly enough. At the end of the tour the guide came up to Michael and said “I really a-like your beautiful hat.”
Problemo solved. Tip covered. Now we just have to find Michael a new hat!

Old Owner Of Beautiful Orange Hat
















New Owner Of Beautiful Orange Hat

Italy

The fact that everyone on the bus survived the trip to Rome is a miracle. There were injuries and breakdowns and…well, I’m getting ahead of myself.
We started the day at 7am and headed down with the rest of the drones to the theatre to meet for our respective tours and excursions. I should have known the day was going to go south when I couldn’t have tea and the coffee was foul. How can this boat go to places with such astoundingly great coffee and serve absolute swill on board? We left Civitavechia and headed for Rome. It was about a 2 hour ride and our guide was great. He told us great little secrets like how to get a ticket to the Coloseum without waiting in line and how not to get ripped off at every turn. We went to St Peter’s Square and into the basilica. It was totally overwhelming. It’s so huge and built with so much marble that it’s a wonder it doesn’t just sink into the ground from all the weight of it. We had a great little Panini near the square and grabbed a cab to the Coloseum, took a look at that area and walked back stopping at the Pantheon and a few other spots. We filled our water bottle all day with the water that flows out of the spigots all over the city. When we met up for the bus ride back we ran into some trouble. To get to the bus you had to go up two escalators. One of the “up” escalators was broken and we had a woman on the tour that was unable to do more than a few stairs. We ended up sitting in Rome traffic in an intense thunderstorm for 30 minutes to circle back around to stop again to collect her. Once we got on the highway it was smooth sailing until the bus broke down and we had to sit on the side of the highway for an hour and wait for another bus. To transfer from the broken bus to the working one we had to walk in the dark and rain on a ledge about 2 to 2 1/2 feet wide overlooking a 3 foot deep and 5 foot wide cement ditch. Of course an old woman fell in the ditch and we watched it happen. She said she was fine afterward but I don’t know how she was. It was a really big fall and it was traumatic to her and everyone watching.
Italy in general is completely amazing. I live in Boston and Americans consider my city rich with history. One of our tour guides lives in a house that is older than Boston. Seeing structures that have been around for 2,000 years really puts things in perspective. Pompei was so much bigger than I thought. Things are so well preserved that it’s eerie to be in there looking around. To think that it was a thriving town 2,000 years ago is surreal.
It is very interesting and entertaining to be in Europe for our presidential election. Every person we have spoken to from Spain to Italy has been holding their breath hoping for an Obama win. What’s happening in the US right now affects the entire world and we have spoken to dozens of Europeans that are elated that Obama won. One of the tour guides was so happy about the win he actually kissed an American girl on the tour!! It’s really something to see. I’m glad we were here for it!

Days 3 & 4

All right, night 2 on the ship was way better than night one. Dinner was much better. I had an oysters Rockefeller appetizer and it was fabulous. The spinach in my salad was actually fresh (the first night’s dinner included a Cesar salad that was so wilted and brown neither of us ate it). There is no bar with decent music so we’ll just have to suck it up. The band is ok and watching the old folks dance is fun. Michael and I have our own little version of dancing with the stars going on. We judge the winner after every song. There is no chance of us getting up and dancing. These couples look like they have been dancing together for 30 years. They are flawless. Michael and I would be contaminating their dance floor.
The Marsailles port was fabulous. We took a tour of the countryside and visited a few little villages. The rain held out, thankfully, and we had cloudy and very windy conditions. It was a rough day for us though seeing that we had been up since 3:15 (see previous posting) so we were both practically falling asleep on the bus. We had lunch in a café in one of the villages and it was delicious indeed. I had a baguette with pate. That was it. No lettuce or tomato or anything just baguette with pate and it was ridiculously tasty. We also got a plate of cheese knocked our socks off. The food in the ports has been amazing so far. The food on board is really inconsistent. It is either unbelievably delicious, like last nights dinner, or entirely inedible like today’s lunch.
The Nice stop on the cruise actually was Villefranche and not Nice at all. We were frustratingly close to Cannes, Nice and Monaco and didn’t get to see them. We are actually tendered here so we boarded a smaller boat and headed into town. We purchased a train ticket to Monaco a 15 minute ride for 5 euro each round trip. The next train was 40 minutes from leaving so we had a coffee at a nearby café and then went back up to the platform where we were informed that the train would be delayed at least 30 minutes or it may be cancelled altogether. We got a refund and decided to take a taxi. I mean, it can’t be that expensive for a taxi if it’s only 15 minutes train ride away right? Wrong. 60 euro each way to get to Monaco. OK so we’ll skip Monaco (bummer) and go to Nice on the bus. When we finally found the bus stop we discovered that the entirety of the 3 tendered cruise ships had also discovered the bus stop and the already full bus that pulled up was only going to fit a few of the giant waiting crowd. If I wanted to stuff myself into a bus to head into town I’d have stayed in Boston. So we walked around Villefranche, which was really picturesque and pleasant, for a couple of hours had a sandwich that kinda tasted like feet and got back on the ship and sat in the Jacuzzi and napped. It actually turned out to be a great day even though we didn’t get to see the port fully.
Traveling from town to the tendered ship in this port was a bit of an adventure. We traveled back in one of the ships lifeboats (good to know they work) and the crew had a hard time getting us next to the ship. It was so windy that when the attendant tried to throw the rope off of the ship onto the lifeboat the crew member missed the rope entirely because the wind blew it out of his reach. We then had to circle back around and make the approach again. The seas are pretty rough and the lifeboat captain crashed into the ship a couple of times before getting it right. It was slightly unsettling.
I’m posting a few pics here but the internet is charged per minute and the pics are slow to upload. I’ll see what I can do about reducing the size of more if I have time but it’s turning out to be one full day after another. I think the days at sea will be more productive with blogging and photo maintenance.

Days One and Two

Well here we are. At sea. It’s 4am right now and we are both awake. Michael thinks it’s the time difference but I think it’s the constant creaking and listing back and forth.

Our journey here was smooth and relatively uneventful. The Paris airport is quite the feat of architecture and it is huge. We arrived at gate E2 and had to depart from F2 so you would think it would be a short little jaunt from one to the other. Nope. It took us a good 15 minutes to walk to the next gate and that was with the people movers speeding us along. It’s just massive! At the Paris airport I experienced my first rude French person. He was standing behind me trying to get through a huge crowd of people to see the TV monitors indicating the locations of gates and flights. He let off about 5 or 6 rapid fire “excuse me’s”

Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.

In order to get out of his way I had to move into the way of other people (that said excuse me only once) so I looked back at him and said “I’m trying!”
He said “you’re trying?”

I got out of his way and into the way of the other people because, clearly, he was vastly more important.

Barcelona was completely amazing. I love it. There are crazy tiny little streets that cars actually travel on. You have to press yourself into a doorway to avoid being hit! We arrived at the hotel at 11:30 starving which was unfortunate for us because it was too early to check in and just try getting food at 11:30 in Barcelona. Apparently it’s an uncivilized time to eat. We did find a place and had some of the famous cured ham and sausage and white beans. Very nice.

Then we hopped on a tour bus. It would have been fun to explore the city without getting on a tour bus but when you have on day and a big list of things you want to see it’s totally the way to go. We saw the unfinished Sagrada Familia and it was pretty much worth the trip to Barcelona in itself. When it’s finished (if it’s finished) it will be even more spectacular. It is an absolute mammoth; this giant work of art in the middle of a functioning area of the city. Across the street are regular looking apartment buildings and shops, then you turn around and BAM you are in the shadow of this enormous structure. Sandra (the awesome lady at the hotel) made a great point. How did they build an entire Olympic village in a just a couple of years and it’s taken over a hundred years to halfway build a church. At 10 euro a pop for a tour it isn’t the money. Yes, it’s not just a building it’s art, but seriously. Finish it already. God is waiting. We also saw the Park Guell and got a pretty good feel for the city from the top of the double-decker.

Our one and only dinner on land was in Barcelona and I am convinced it was prepared by angles or fairies or something but no human can make something this good. I have the philosophy that when you are abroad you should a) always at least try the local cuisine and b) order simple food as it is often the best. I had pasta sauted with shrimp and it was the best pasta I have ever had, bar none. It was home made and the pasta and shrimp were tossed together in a highly heated pan so that parts of the pasta were crisped, almost toasted. Michael had steak, I know shocking right? Actually, yes it was a bit shocking. They didn’t ask how he wanted it prepared so he got it practically raw. Now, I like my meat medium rare but this was even too rare for me. Michael likes his meat cooked medium well so this was highly irregular for him. The meat was of such high quality that the rareness of it was not a factor even for Michael. He ate all but 2 bites, and he left those because he was full. Jenny and Dave would be proud!

Luckily our first day in Barcelona was nice because we got up the next morning and it was pouring. We got breakfast and walked around some then got lunch and walked around some more.

Then we got on the boat.

I have some things to say to the people that told me the following:

“Oh, you can’t even feel the motion you won’t even be able to tell you are on a boat.” – Okay, whoever said this must have been on a way bigger boat then we’re on because I can barely walk down the hallway without slamming into the walls. Michael says “If we can make it through the vacation without puking, we win.” Ah, a sexy honeymoon indeed.

“There is so much to do on the boat you won’t mind the days at sea and you may want to stay on the boat while you are at a port to have the ship to yourselves” – Now, granted we have only had one evening on the boat and we haven’t explored fully but 2 of the 3 bars we visited were playing an “It’s Raining Men/I Will Survive” medley. Not kidding. We have a few more bars to check out and I’m sure we’ll find our niche, but for now this is a means of transportation and nothing more. Bring on the ports, for the love of pete.

“You’ll gain weight the food is so good on the ship” – So far, not so. Dinner was very nice and the food was good but not that good and compared to the dinner in Barcelona it was not even close. You can’t even compare the two. Cruise ship food is clearly made by mortal men. Oh, and we requested a table for two months ago and didn’t get it. Apparently, there are 94 people waiting for a table for two so we are at a table for 4 with another couple that didn’t show up for diner last night, thank god.

I think different people have different versions of fun. Michael and I really just like to be left to our own devices, left alone really, so I don’t think that the cruise ship is our ideal vacation and we sorta knew that coming into it. Try everything once right? How else can you see all these cities? We were asked so many times if we wanted our picture taken that even if we had agreed to it a reasonable amount of times (like 2 or 3) we still would have been hounded 5 more times. The waiters asked us if we wanted more drinks so frequently that we were tempted to make a sign that said “No Thanks” and put it on the table. There were 5 or 6 waiters working the room and no assigned sections so every waiter that walked by asked if we wanted a drink. It was like being beaten up. At first I thought “wow great service” but, it went from great service to hard sell in a matter of minutes.

I don’t mean to be negative and I am sure this will get better and the ports are going to be amazing even if it does pour the entire time, which it’s supposed to. I am having fun! Michael and I are having a great time people watching, that’s for sure. Marsaillles is our first port and I can’t wait! We’ll be going to the Luberon villages in the countryside. Sounds great for photos! Hopefully tomorrow night is a better cruise experience. It’s formal night for dinner so I get to dress up.

OMG the friggin boat just shook like it went over a speed bump at 50mph. Sleep? Yeah right!

Honeymoon Fever

Cruise

Well it's finally here. We planned this so long ago that I'm really unsure how to handle it being so close. The cruise, the honeymoon, the (as Michael calls it) mother of all vacations, is finally here. One week from this moment we will be in the air over the Atlantic Ocean heading to Barcelona. I bought a nice camera to document the sights and I'll be bringing the computer with me so that I can post (and store) pictures and blog about our adventures. Actually, that's a lie. I'm bringing the computer so that Michael can keep up with his email and send trivia.

But, I will be writing about our trip and depending on how things go my musings may find their way onto this blog. Stay tuned for pics and wit.

Also, cross your fingers that I'm not still sick. I'm feeling under the weather right now. Not good.

Cha Ching

This years football/gambling season is going well. I won last weeks weekly picks and I'm in the running this week too. Also still in the knock out pool from work. If tonight's game score is between 35 and 37 points combined I win again. I wonder if there will be an angry mob at my door if I win 2 weeks in a row.

Sweet!

This week my football picks are right on the money. The weekly pool where you pick against the spreads is really going my way. I have 9 right and, provided the MNF game goes well I'll be in the money to the tune of 4 Benjamins.

Here's what I need:
Vikings to win. Or if the Saints win they have to only win by 3 or less. And the total combined points of the game final scores needs to be under 36. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

The elimination pool at work is going well too. I'm still alive with the Dallas pick from last week. This coming Sunday I picked the Jets to win. Again, cross your fingers, Cincinnati may be sick of being winless. That would be trouble for me.

Fall-Down Predicted

My faithful readers (all four of you) know from past blogs that I tend to fall down quite a lot. This is why I was alarmed to find that the house cleaner that we recently hired has polished our floors with butter, or something equally as slippery. It's like an ice rink in here. Remember when Tom Pledged my floors? Yes, well, it's like that only slightly less slick and all over the house. If I fall down I'll let you know. The fall down blogs are always very amusing.

Party's Over

In a strange turn of events, T's Pub "The Place To Meet" closed their doors on Monday September 22, 2008. On Monday night the staff was informed and what ensued after the last staff meeting was all out debauchery. Michael and I joined the staff and a few treasured regulars to send off T's with a bang.
There were a few tears but mostly there were smiles. Not that anyone is glad to see T's go, mind you, but laughter and crazy times were what made T's Pub what it was. Sure, it got a little expensive and the place was in dire need of a face lift, but the reason we went was not for the decor or to get a cheap drink. Our friends were always there. At any given time on a weekend night The Corner was always full of people that were happy to see us. For 27 years T's has been standing and for 11 of those years Michael has taken the booth on Thursday nights to run trivia. The first time Michael and I danced to "Into the Mystic" (our wedding song) was at T's Pub. We watched history be made on T's Big screen TV in 2004. When we were in Los Angeles for the Patriots first Super Bowl win, our first call was to Mook at T's.

Friendships are stronger than the walls that contain them. We will remain friends with all of the people that we met at T's. It's sad to see it go but what have we really lost? Four walls. Our family is still in tact. We just need to find a new home.

Skin of My Teeth

Week 2 of the football pool was a tough one. I lost an entry with a Bears pick. Ugh. The other pick was the steelers so I'm still alive.

Week 3 I had only one entry to work with so I chose what I thought would be a gimme. Giants over Bengals. Turned out it was a total nail-biter in overtime. Thank god the Giants pulled it off. In seemingly unrelated news here is a picture of a tomato.















You may now continue with your day.

Kitty Torture

Actually we can't really tell if the cats love this thing or hate it. We have a bird feeder that sits in our window like an air conditioner.

















The birds come to have a snack and the cats sit and watch them.

















Occasionally the cats will bat at the glass with their paws but the birds only fly away for a second then they come right back. The cats can't figure out why the birds aren't afraid of them. Hours of entertainment.

What's Wrong With This Picture

I saw this ad on the way to work this morning. Air Tran should fire their marketing firm pronto. What were they thinking comparing a ride in one of their planes to a roller coaster? Roller coasters are exciting. If there is one thing in my life I want to be exceptionally boring it's a plane ride. I want it in no way to resemble a roller coaster. I know the point of this ad is probably to say "hey fly with us and you'll be on a roller coaster in no time!" But that's not what I got from the ad at all and I have been to other blogs that agree.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/ezraball/2694774830/

http://realfake.org/blog/2008/07/22/airtran-roller-coaster/

This is not the first Air Tran ad that I found to be a head-scratcher.


Maybe it's just me but this commercial gives me the creeps. What about springing long term babysitting duties on an unsuspecting elderly couple is supposed to make me want to fly Air Tran? "Air Tran: Wicked assholes fly with us!" "Air Tran: Fly with us and feel as though you are plummeting to your death!"

If this is all it takes to make money in marketing, bad ideas that is, sign me up! I have a slew of bad ideas!

I'm just not ready

There was a definite chill in the air today. The sort of chill that isn't a temporary blip. It's fall. Ordinarily I'd be all kinds of excited about the cooler weather; fall wardrobe, the big switch from iced to hot tea, good hair days and the visions of skiing in a few months. All of these are welcome to me in September. I have always valued having a fall birthday. September 30th is a great time of year around here. But...

August was cold. Most of the month was wet and chilly. I found myself wearing a jacket in August. Even in New England that is just absurd. Thus the beginning of autumn is bittersweet. I like the idea of a fire in the fireplace and the cool, crisp, breathable air. But I feel as though I have been robbed of a month of summer.

So, mother nature, if it pleases you please send a few unseasonably warm days our way. Much appreciated.

Dumb Things Amendment

Warm weather scarves are ok now that the weather is cooler.

Football/Gambling Season

Anyone that knows me will attest that I am not much of a gambler. I buy scratch tickets occasionally, maybe play Keno if I'm bored at a bar and I'll buy a power ball ticket when I'm in NH. That's pretty much it. I think that casinos are probably the most unpleasant place one could possibly be. All that clanging and dinging and moaning of tortured souls sitting blindly in front of the slot machines. Shudder

But there is something about football that makes me want to bet, bet, bet my fanny off. For years I have done the pool with the spread and I won once ($300) and split once ($125). Now I've signed on to this office thing called the winner's pool. It seems like it would be easy; pick a team that you think will win. No spread. No selecting fantasy players. I bought two entries because I would have been devastated if I'd have been eliminated the first week. My first week's picks are:

New Orleans (they won but, man, what a nail-biter, and I had to go against my 2nd favorite team Tampa Bay) and Denver. Denver plays Oakland tonight in Oakland. I didn't take into account that they aren't at home but, it's Oakland, they suck. So far so good. Even if Denver loses I'm still alive. Next week I'll get back into the regular pool as well with the spreads and all.

I think my draw to football betting is that it makes Sundays more interesting at a time of the year that can get very depressing in New England. It's gray and cold and it gets dark at 4pm. I love having lots to cheer for. The Pats only play once a week. I have something to cheer for every game!

Michael does fantasy football. He didn't pick Tom Brady this year. Lucky for him. Don't even get me started. Devastating injury.

I'll keep you posted on my gambling efforts. Keep your fingers crossed for me. If you do I'll buy you a beer with the winnings.

US Open

It comes as no surprise that Federer has won the US Open. His opponent was hardly a match for him. In fact I believe that the handshake at the end of the match was not a handshake at all, but Federer actually handing Murray his ass. I'm sure you'll see footage of the handshake on the news. Look closely. You'll see it.

The Wedding Train

Wedding number 3 of the Julie/Michael/Andy/Susan/Eric/Julie wedding train was a fitting wrap up. What a great time!

A Quick Survey

I just checked my email and this is what I saw:

Based on your e-Rewards profile, you are invited to earn e-Rewards Currency for completing a Quick Survey about Plastic Surgery.

What in the wide world of sports is in my profile that would lead them to believe that I'd be any kind of authority on plastic surgery? I don't even color my hair!!

Out of curiosity I clicked on the link and they asked me if I'd had my boobs done or if my lips plumped or my face lifted...

Clearly I checked the wrong box at some point.

God Bless Our Miserable Asses

Only in America do we have an index to measure how miserable we are.
http://www.miseryindex.us/

Here's a picture of a bunny. Sorry this blog post is such a roller coaster of emotion.

Boston is Wicked Cool

Yesterday we went to Boston's North End for the Feast of St. Anthony. Our friends had a party and they live right in the middle of the epi-center of the festival. So much fun! It's the one day in Boston that you can walk around with an adult beverage in your hand and no one says boo. Here are some of the pics I took.

Lost on Blue Hill

Faithful readers that live in the Boston area are saying, "huh? You got lost on Blue Hill?" Yes indeed folks Michael and I lost our path on Blue Hill and had a hell of a time righting ourselves. I wish I could say it's a huge mountain or that it was not well marked but these statements would be lies. We were just too wrapped up in conversation and we missed our turn to stay on the red dot trail.

Why, you must be asking, is this blog worthy? I am not writing about this to draw attention to our stupidity. I just think that it's worth mentioning that Michael and I have been together for 10+ years now and we can still get so engrossed in conversation that we lose our way on a hike together. Now that is love.

Softball is Hard

Last night was our semi-summerial (that means two times in the summer and if it wasn't a word before, it is now) company softball game. We play our law firm on the common and it's a pretty fun time. The law firm provides the beer and pizza and the occasional softball glove, not to mention the bats, the use of the field and their presence in non-billable hours. We all just sort of show up appropriately dressed and liquored up. The outing in June was a great time. We lost but the game was close and we didn't care much because we drank the free beer and it lessened the sting a bit. This time was much, much different.

We arrived to find out that the beer had been confiscated by the authorities. They left the pizza but pizza with no beer is like...well...softball with no beer. So while we all waited for someone to come up with a cooler and tell us we'd been punked we also took notice of one other minor detail. No lights. The lights were eventually turned on but we remained very thirsty throughout the entire game. Foreshadowing at its finest.

We lost. But, unlike the first game of the season, we lost hard. The score wasn't even close and there was no beer to take away the agony of defeat. We felt every run our lawyers scored like they were personally bludgeoning us with bats. We didn't go out there expecting to be great but we did at least harbor some hope of not having our asses handed to us. Here is what we learned from the experience:

1) You can't possibly play softball twice a year and expect to kick ass against a team that plays weekly. Next year we practice.

2) Beer is a necessary element to good softball. It's absence was felt by all.

3) We need better lawyers. Good lawyers could have talked the coppers out of taking the beer in the first place.

So lessons learned. We'll show up next year, mark my words. There are pictures of the massacre below.

Nil says a little prayer which was not heard by the softball gods.

Their team's pitcher. Seriously.

Our Fan.

The wave.

Me doing my best impression of Jason Varitek.

Don't be sad Nil!

Ball Girl's Last day

Did anyone else just see that? Sox vs. Baltimore in Baltimore. Ball girl plays a fair ball!!! If she was at Fenway the "faithful" would have strung her up from the monster and stoned her to death.

Gravity Issues

Lately I have been very busy at work which makes the day fly by so I don't complain. Well, I do complain but only if things aren't going my way which tends to happen a lot. One of my little projects was a mailing about the new housing law that just passed. This involved making about 500 labels.

If you work in an office you may have run into this problem before. I have no printer of my own so I have to share a printer with about 10-20 other people. For some reason I can't get the printer to allow a manual feed for labels so I have to place the label page in the drawer with the regular paper and make my way back to my desk to push print before one of the 10-20 other people push print on their print jobs. About five times someone beat me to the punch and my label page came out with someone else's letter or memo on it. At first it was amusing and the person who's memo was now sticky and I would just laugh it off.

Then I started running out of labels. No longer a joking matter.

I had one label that needed to be fixed and reprinted. I was determined to have this one label come out with no issues so I put the page in the drawer and hauled ass back to my cube. I turned the corner and my ankle and I had a quick discussion that went something like this:

My Ankle: What the hell are you doing?
Me: Running.
My Ankle: We don't run! I'll put a stop to this.

My ankle then seized up and threw a little pain in to boot. I fell. AGAIN. (for those of you that are new to the blog I have had a recent history of falling down while stone cold sober. You can read about one such instance in "My Shady Past." The other two instances were not my fault. Uneven pavement! My plasterer pledged my floors! I blogged about it on Myspace I'll save you the gory details.)

Anyway, everyone thought it was hilarious, har-de har har. Everyone, of course, except my boss, Guy, who calmly turned his head, looked at me on the floor and went back to his conversation. I swear I could be on fire and if he was working he would think twice about putting me out.

I am going to have to be very careful not to set myself on fire at the office.

On the Fence

Ah, Cuz...

My husband and I got married in March. We had a very nice wedding with all the bells and whistles. And by bells and whistles I mean save the dates and invitations. Invitations with RSVP cards, no less. Today we got an RSVP in the mail. Mind you, it is August. We have been married now for five months.

Cuz, It's good to know you have no regrets and that you had a great time at the wedding. This will be the one RSVP that we actually save.

My Shady Past

Some of you may have been readers of my past blog. I started blogging on myspace because my sisters are on there and I was keeping them updated on the new house. I feel that I have graduated from myspace now, hence the new venue. I did have some decent blog posts on there and I would not feel right about keeping them from my new readers. This post will be devoted to some oldies but goodies. My shady past.
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Saturday, September 08, 2007
To all my FLA peeps. I love you but you just don't get it. In a place where it's warm year round you just can't understand the excitement of a 90+ degree day after Labor Day. It's like a gift from the otherwise dormant summer gods. Today was such a day. Today I squeezed in my last beach day.

I got to the train station in plenty of time so I bought my ticket and headed over to the 7-11 and bought a Harper's Bazzar and a Cosmo (Cosmo was promising that I could shock my man in the bedroom, how could I resist?) and set off for the last beach day of 2007. Heavy-ass bag over my shoulder (the Harper's mag was the "biggest issue ever" in hindsight maybe not the best choice) I hopped the train and made the trek to the Singing Beach in Manchester By The Sea. Once I got to the beach I walked through the parking lot and down the sidewalk. The singing beach is not big so it fills up fast. I was trying to get the lay of the land and pick the best spot for my late summer sunbathing adventure when I stumbled on a rock and fell down. The heavy-ass bag took me right over, I had no hope of catching my balance with that stupid Harper's mag in the mix.

On my way down I thought "Oh my god I fell down AGAIN! Two times in one summer!"

So with my pride bruised again and my knee scratched up again I made my way to the spot that I had seen just before the big collapse. I laid down my blanket and turned around to find the people behind me settling in about 3 feet away. Uh...WTF??

Whatever, at this point I was more concerned with the bloody, sand covered wound on my knee. I decided to take a swim to wash it off but found the water to be ridiculously cold. Seriously, I have developed a pretty good tolerance for cold water but this was too much. I knew when my feet hit the wet sand; it was offensively cold. Not even the water, the sand was cold. So I made it in up to my calves and splashed some water on the wound to clean out the sand.

Salt water heals all.

Back at my blanket I struck up a conversation with the guy next to me because, well...they were three feet away so if you can't beat 'em join 'em. I mentioned my fall and he went fishing in his wife's bag and came up with a medicated wipe. I gladly accepted it. Then I read the package...

Tucks Take Alongs: Witch Hazel Hemorrhoidal Towelette

What was I going to say "No thanks my knee doesn't have hemorrhoids?" I read the package carefully to make sure there was no actual hemorrhoid medication, it was just witch hazel, placed it on my knee and laid down in the sun to reflect.

So let's sum up.

I fell down again. My last beach day consists of falling down and then laying in the sun with a hemorrhoid pad on my knee, reading Harper's Bazzar. Have the models in these ads ever laid on the beach with a hemorrhoid pad on their knee? I think not!

So that was my last beach day of the summer. Could have been better.
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Wednesday, April 02, 2008 -Celebucat-
Well, it was bound to happen. The Foz is famous.

http://www.stuffonmycat.com/index.php?itemid=4693c

Has he let it go to his head? Absolutely...or maybe it’s just spring fever.

In the summertime we always have the windows open. We have AC only in the bedrooms and we strictly use it a few nighs a year when it’s really hot. So the cats are really into the whole fresh air and outside noises thing. They love to spend time on the three season porch and we usually leave the kitchen door open so they can chillax out there. Lately, as the weather has started warming a bit, the Foz has taken to testing the waters, if you will. He darts out the kitchen door into the three season porch once or twice a day to see if it’s warm enough to hang out. He makes his escape and hangs out there for about 3 minutes, decides that it’s frickin cold as hell and signals that he wants back in. What’s funny is that this has only been going on for the last week or so. It’s not like it’s gotten that warm out and we certainly haven’t opened any windows yet. Somehow the Foz knows it’s almost time to enjoy the fresh air and warm weather. Spring is on the doorstep and the Foz is acutely aware.

Puxsutawney Phil watch your back. I’ve got a 18 lb cat that wants your job and he ain’t afraid of his shadow.

I’m right there with you Foz. I need the warm weather soon.
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Sunday, April 13, 2008
"So How's Married Life Treating You?"
I think about 7,000 people have asked me that and my knee-jerk reaction is "not much has changed." Really there isn't much different now from before March 15th, we handle everthing like we did before.

Actually, that's not entirely true. Something has changed.

Last weekend Michael came busting in the front door going on about a cat in our tree. I said, "Is it one of our cats?"

He said "No."

I said, "I think you should just leave it be."

He said, "But the kids are scared."

For those of you that are not in the know, we don't have kids.
So I looked out the window and there are the two Latino kids from accross the street. I think they must be about 5 and 7 years old or so. Very cute. They are standing there, demure faces, staring up at the tree in question, which, by the way, I can't see from the window. With a roll of my eyes and increasing unease I put on my shoes and head out into the front yard.

Michael and the cat are in the tree. Michael is gently trying to calm the cat and lift it off of the branch without getting shredded. The cat is no more than 8 feet off the ground. 8 feet! The cat could make that jump easily but Michael feels that it's necessary to be the neighborhood hero and save the cat's life.

I promise, I'm getting to the point.

Michael says, "Come around the tree and I'll hand you the cat."

Pre marriage answer: "Puh-leeze, I'm not letting you drop a freaked out animal with claws and teeth on me from that tree."

Post marriage answer: "ok"

I went around and took the cat from Michael and, thank god I was wearing a sweatshirt because he totally let the claws fly. Was my decision to catch a falling cat because of a temporary shut-down of my sensibilities? Or was it because my husband, not my boyfriend, asked me to do it?

After the cat was safely on the ground I turned to the kids and asked, "Is that your cat?"

"No"
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Tuesday, April 22, 2008

"The sea was angry that day my friends." - George Costanza

A few weeks ago I did one of those dopey surveys and one of the questions was "Pool or Ocean?" I answered Ocean. I have always preferred the ocean to the pool. I like the motion of the ocean, baby. This in mind, when Jenette and I made last minute plans to head down to the Bahamas for a long weekend, one of the things I was looking forward to was swimming in the ocean. It's been a long winter and going for a swim seemed like heaven.

Our first full day there was very relaxing indeed. I hung out on the beach and read a magazine. When I got hot enough I went in the water for a dip. The waves were pretty big and the under-tow seemed strong, but I'm a fairly strong swimmer and felt as though I could handle it. I swam out past the break and hung out for a while, when the waves seemed to calm down I tried to head in to resume my relaxation. On my way out of the water a woman on the shore pointed behind me and said "Hey, watch out."

Where ever you are, lady on the shore, I thank you because if this wave had caught me by surprise I may not be writing this right now. I turned around and the biggest wave I have ever seen was quickly approaching. Actually, let me qualify that statement. It was not the biggest wave I have ever seen, per se, but definitely the biggest that I have ever seen coming right at me. I don't know how big it was but I had to look up to see the top. I was standing at a point on the shore that I'd have to run back to dive into it (which I didn't think I'd have time to do before it broke) and making it to shore in time was not an option as the previous wave's backdraw was preventing me from walking effectively. In hindsight diving in was probably the right call but I was a bit freaked out and the thought of diving into a wave that size scared me a little.

The wave hit me hard and tossed me ass-hole over ear canal, upside down, right side up. I am extremely lucky that I didn't hit my head in the fray. The mighty Atlantic deposited me, like seaweed, onto the shore. I felt like a shipwreck victim. I had a half pound of sand in my hair and another pound or so in my swim-suit. I had to go back up to our room to shower off and change suits.

The remainder of the vacation I swam in the pool and sat at the swim up bar.

Pool or Ocean? Give me a month or two before I answer that for real. For now I'll take the pool.

Olympic Coverage

Ok that's misleading. I'm sitting on my couch watching the games on TV. I'm not at the games. I'm not even in China. But here are a few observations from Brighton.
Alexander Artemev got robbed on the Pommel Horse. How that didn't get a 16 I do not know. That brings up another observation. No more perfect 10. I don't know about you but I was watching when Mary Lou hit her perfect 10 vault in 1984. That perfect 10 was what all Olympic gymnasts sought after. What is there to work for now? Something over 16? How vague!



This is my observation for today. That and Michael Phelps has some seriously rockin abs.

If you want to check out a real blog about China check out my friend Mike Shaw. The crazy bastard moved to Beijing. Not just for the Olympics...for good.
www.beijingbostonian.com

He's a great guy. Beijing is a lucky, overcrowded, smoggy city to have him. I hope they appreciate our sacrifice.

Olympic Fever

I've got it and I'm tired. Up too late.

Olympic Medal winners at NBC Olympics.com!

Resilient Squirrels and Delicious Chicken

If you think these things have nothing to do with each other, you are dead on. It just so happens that they are in my head at the same time. First the delicious chicken.

Below is a picture of my garden gnome, Jim. He stands guard over my recently planted herb garden. If you look closely you can see the basil and some parsley.

I love Jim.



Now that I have fresh herbs in the backyard I have become very inventive with my cooking. I add fresh parsley to my rice and I throw sage leaves in homemade white beans. Deee licious. But I think my roasted chicken has benefited the most from the herbs. I'll tell you my secret.
You'll need:
1 Roaster Chicken
Fresh herbs
Sea Salt
Olive Oil
Freshly ground black pepper
1 Stalk Celery
4 Cloves Garlic
1 Small onion or Shallot

Buy yourself a chicken of the roaster variety. Clean out the guts and cook 'em up for your kitties. Pick some (or buy some if you are not lucky enough to have an herb garden) fresh herbs. I use a few sprigs of oregano, thyme, rosemary and sage. Reserve half of the herbs aside and chop the other half finely, mix with 2 cloves of chopped garlic, salt and pepper and 2 tablespoons or so of olive oil. Set aside.
Crush the remaining garlic with the handle of a knife and grab the remaining fresh herbs and stuff it in the chicken cavity. cut the celery in 3 or 4 pieces and stuff that in too. Cut the onion in half and stuff that in (as much as you can) you can get creative here. I have stuffed in mushrooms and peppers. Close cavity with a toothpick. This is not stuffing you'll eat it just provides flavor.
Take the herb mixture and rub above and beneath (this is KEY) the skin of the chicken. Roast chicken as you normally would till the juices run clear.

This chicken is delicious.

Now on to the damn squirrels.

We are not fond of these squirrels because they scare away the birds and threaten to topple our feeder. Some friends of ours told us that putting red pepper flakes in our bird feeder would keep the squirrels away. Thus far, the squirrels have not even noticed it's there. In fact the squirrels have become more aggressive and actually sit on the sidelines in wait and rush through the crowd of unsuspecting birdies, then claiming the seed for themselves. They work in pairs sometimes.

If anyone has a better solution (short of shooting them. I'll admit it may be fun but discharging firearms within the Suffolk county lines is discouraged) let me know. For now I'll be taking the red pepper flakes out of the basement and back to the kitchen to use next time I make my chicken.

Dumb Things - July 2008

Unless you live in a cave (or Spring Hill FL) you have probably been to a Starbucks. Even people that are vehemently opposed to patronizing Starbucks grab a coffee in a pinch. How can you not? They're on every corner. My starbucks is across the street from my office building. The people are nice enough but the order taker is really condescending. He'll correct you if your phrasing is off.

"I'll have a double shot of espresso"
"No, you'll have a dopio. Next time ask for a dopio"

Or if your word order is off.

"I'll have a venti iced tea, unsweetened"
"Please say iced first"

But the other day this guy really ticked me off. As you know, if you don't live in a cave or Spring Hill, in busier Starbucks there is an ordering counter, a payment (and tipping) counter and a pick up counter. When I arrived for my beverage there was no one at the ordering counter so I moved on to the payment counter. I placed my order with the girl and she calls out my iced tea and the turkey bacon sandwich. The iced tea order goes off without a hitch but when the coffee order Nazi got wind that I didn't order through him he had a little fit and tried to humiliate me in front of the entire store. Fortunately he's not that bright so his attempt was ridiculous. He came over and in a really loud voice asked me what kind of turkey I wanted.

"Uh...", I said "what kind of turkey do I want?"
"Yeah"
"I just want a turkey bacon sandwich. Since when does Starbucks offer different kinds of turkey?"
He totally ignored my comment and said,
"You should have ordered through me"

So now my Starbucks is the one a half a block away and around the corner. It's a little further away and sometimes painfully slow, but anything is better than dealing with a coffee slinging jackass that thinks he's better than me because he knows the Starbucks lingo.

It is at my new Starbucks that I saw Dumb Thing #1.

The barista (is a male barista still a barista? Is he a baristo?) is a young man I guess about in his early twenties. He is a fairly big guy, reddish brown hair. It's his hair that gets me. He has a regular haircut on the right side of his head and then on the left side it's long and shaggy, like it hasn't seen a pair of scissors in years. He was turning around constantly so I could see the goofy hairstyle from all angles multiple times. I couldn't stop looking at it. I tried to imagine what could have possibly happened that would have made such a coif. Maybe in the middle of his cut the barbershop caught on fire. Or he realized that he only had enough money for half of a cut. Like when you're in a cab and you realize that it's going to cost a lot more than what you have in your wallet.

"Dude, just drop me here."

I have a suspicion, though, that it is entirely deliberate and that the barista in question considers himself "edgy." I got news for you, pal. Not edgy as much as really dumb. You have made my first list of dumb things.

The second Dumb Thing is pictured below:

















This is what's called the warm weather scarf. Note, if you will, the breezy summer hairstyle and the short sleeved summer top. All aspects of this model's outfit are appropriate for the warm weather except one. The warm weather scarf. I have seen a few girls around Boston wearing these ridiculous accessories. It's July and, believe it or not, it does get hot in the northeast. We have had a few days well into the 90s and still these girls are walking around in scarves. Being a slave to fashion often puts you in jeopardy of being sucked into dumb fads.

Am I just getting old? Is wearing winter clothes in the summertime and cutting your hair so you resemble one of those half man and half woman Halloween costumes cool? Hip? Did I miss something?