Thursday, August 21, 2008

Softball is Hard

Last night was our semi-summerial (that means two times in the summer and if it wasn't a word before, it is now) company softball game. We play our law firm on the common and it's a pretty fun time. The law firm provides the beer and pizza and the occasional softball glove, not to mention the bats, the use of the field and their presence in non-billable hours. We all just sort of show up appropriately dressed and liquored up. The outing in June was a great time. We lost but the game was close and we didn't care much because we drank the free beer and it lessened the sting a bit. This time was much, much different.

We arrived to find out that the beer had been confiscated by the authorities. They left the pizza but pizza with no beer is like...well...softball with no beer. So while we all waited for someone to come up with a cooler and tell us we'd been punked we also took notice of one other minor detail. No lights. The lights were eventually turned on but we remained very thirsty throughout the entire game. Foreshadowing at its finest.
We lost. But, unlike the first game of the season, we lost hard. The score wasn't even close and there was no beer to take away the agony of defeat. We felt every run our lawyers scored like they were personally bludgeoning us with bats. We didn't go out there expecting to be great but we did at least harbor some hope of not having our asses handed to us. Here is what we learned from the experience:

1) You can't possibly play softball twice a year and expect to kick ass against a team that plays weekly. Next year we practice.

2) Beer is a necessary element to good softball. It's absence was felt by all.

3) We need better lawyers. Good lawyers could have talked the coppers out of taking the beer in the first place.

So lessons learned. We'll show up next year, mark my words. There are pictures of the massacre below.











Nil says a little prayer which was not heard by the softball gods.
















Their team's pitcher. Seriously.













Our Fan.

















The wave.






















Me doing my best impression of Jason Varitek.

Don't be sad Nil!

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Ball Girl's Last day

Did anyone else just see that? Sox vs. Baltimore in Baltimore. Ball girl plays a fair ball!!! If she was at Fenway the "faithful" would have strung her up from the monster and stoned her to death.

Gravity Issues

Lately I have been very busy at work which makes the day fly by so I don't complain. Well, I do complain but only if things aren't going my way which tends to happen a lot. One of my little projects was a mailing about the new housing law that just passed. This involved making about 500 labels.

If you work in an office you may have run into this problem before. I have no printer of my own so I have to share a printer with about 10-20 other people. For some reason I can't get the printer to allow a manual feed for labels so I have to place the label page in the drawer with the regular paper and make my way back to my desk to push print before one of the 10-20 other people push print on their print jobs. About five times someone beat me to the punch and my label page came out with someone else's letter or memo on it. At first it was amusing and the person who's memo was now sticky and I would just laugh it off.

Then I started running out of labels. No longer a joking matter.

I had one label that needed to be fixed and reprinted. I was determined to have this one label come out with no issues so I put the page in the drawer and hauled ass back to my cube. I turned the corner and my ankle and I had a quick discussion that went something like this:

My Ankle: What the hell are you doing?
Me: Running.
My Ankle: We don't run! I'll put a stop to this.

My ankle then seized up and threw a little pain in to boot. I fell. AGAIN. (for those of you that are new to the blog I have had a recent history of falling down while stone cold sober. You can read about one such instance in "My Shady Past." The other two instances were not my fault. Uneven pavement! My plasterer pledged my floors! I blogged about it on Myspace I'll save you the gory details.)

Anyway, everyone thought it was hilarious, har-de har har. Everyone, of course, except my boss, Guy, who calmly turned his head, looked at me on the floor and went back to his conversation. I swear I could be on fire and if he was working he would think twice about putting me out.

I am going to have to be very careful not to set myself on fire at the office.

Friday, August 15, 2008

On the Fence


Ah, Cuz...

My husband and I got married in March. We had a very nice wedding with all the bells and whistles. And by bells and whistles I mean save the dates and invitations. Invitations with RSVP cards, no less. Today we got an RSVP in the mail. Mind you, it is August. We have been married now for five months.

Cuz, It's good to know you have no regrets and that you had a great time at the wedding. This will be the one RSVP that we actually save.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

My Shady Past

Some of you may have been readers of my past blog. I started blogging on myspace because my sisters are on there and I was keeping them updated on the new house. I feel that I have graduated from myspace now, hence the new venue. I did have some decent blog posts on there and I would not feel right about keeping them from my new readers. This post will be devoted to some oldies but goodies. My shady past.
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Saturday, September 08, 2007
To all my FLA peeps. I love you but you just don't get it. In a place where it's warm year round you just can't understand the excitement of a 90+ degree day after Labor Day. It's like a gift from the otherwise dormant summer gods. Today was such a day. Today I squeezed in my last beach day.

I got to the train station in plenty of time so I bought my ticket and headed over to the 7-11 and bought a Harper's Bazzar and a Cosmo (Cosmo was promising that I could shock my man in the bedroom, how could I resist?) and set off for the last beach day of 2007. Heavy-ass bag over my shoulder (the Harper's mag was the "biggest issue ever" in hindsight maybe not the best choice) I hopped the train and made the trek to the Singing Beach in Manchester By The Sea. Once I got to the beach I walked through the parking lot and down the sidewalk. The singing beach is not big so it fills up fast. I was trying to get the lay of the land and pick the best spot for my late summer sunbathing adventure when I stumbled on a rock and fell down. The heavy-ass bag took me right over, I had no hope of catching my balance with that stupid Harper's mag in the mix.

On my way down I thought "Oh my god I fell down AGAIN! Two times in one summer!"

So with my pride bruised again and my knee scratched up again I made my way to the spot that I had seen just before the big collapse. I laid down my blanket and turned around to find the people behind me settling in about 3 feet away. Uh...WTF??

Whatever, at this point I was more concerned with the bloody, sand covered wound on my knee. I decided to take a swim to wash it off but found the water to be ridiculously cold. Seriously, I have developed a pretty good tolerance for cold water but this was too much. I knew when my feet hit the wet sand; it was offensively cold. Not even the water, the sand was cold. So I made it in up to my calves and splashed some water on the wound to clean out the sand.

Salt water heals all.

Back at my blanket I struck up a conversation with the guy next to me because, well...they were three feet away so if you can't beat 'em join 'em. I mentioned my fall and he went fishing in his wife's bag and came up with a medicated wipe. I gladly accepted it. Then I read the package...

Tucks Take Alongs: Witch Hazel Hemorrhoidal Towelette

What was I going to say "No thanks my knee doesn't have hemorrhoids?" I read the package carefully to make sure there was no actual hemorrhoid medication, it was just witch hazel, placed it on my knee and laid down in the sun to reflect.

So let's sum up.

I fell down again. My last beach day consists of falling down and then laying in the sun with a hemorrhoid pad on my knee, reading Harper's Bazzar. Have the models in these ads ever laid on the beach with a hemorrhoid pad on their knee? I think not!

So that was my last beach day of the summer. Could have been better.
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Wednesday, April 02, 2008 -Celebucat-
Well, it was bound to happen. The Foz is famous.

http://www.stuffonmycat.com/index.php?itemid=4693c

Has he let it go to his head? Absolutely...or maybe it’s just spring fever.

In the summertime we always have the windows open. We have AC only in the bedrooms and we strictly use it a few nighs a year when it’s really hot. So the cats are really into the whole fresh air and outside noises thing. They love to spend time on the three season porch and we usually leave the kitchen door open so they can chillax out there. Lately, as the weather has started warming a bit, the Foz has taken to testing the waters, if you will. He darts out the kitchen door into the three season porch once or twice a day to see if it’s warm enough to hang out. He makes his escape and hangs out there for about 3 minutes, decides that it’s frickin cold as hell and signals that he wants back in. What’s funny is that this has only been going on for the last week or so. It’s not like it’s gotten that warm out and we certainly haven’t opened any windows yet. Somehow the Foz knows it’s almost time to enjoy the fresh air and warm weather. Spring is on the doorstep and the Foz is acutely aware.

Puxsutawney Phil watch your back. I’ve got a 18 lb cat that wants your job and he ain’t afraid of his shadow.

I’m right there with you Foz. I need the warm weather soon.
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Sunday, April 13, 2008
"So How's Married Life Treating You?"
I think about 7,000 people have asked me that and my knee-jerk reaction is "not much has changed." Really there isn't much different now from before March 15th, we handle everthing like we did before.

Actually, that's not entirely true. Something has changed.

Last weekend Michael came busting in the front door going on about a cat in our tree. I said, "Is it one of our cats?"

He said "No."

I said, "I think you should just leave it be."

He said, "But the kids are scared."

For those of you that are not in the know, we don't have kids.
So I looked out the window and there are the two Latino kids from accross the street. I think they must be about 5 and 7 years old or so. Very cute. They are standing there, demure faces, staring up at the tree in question, which, by the way, I can't see from the window. With a roll of my eyes and increasing unease I put on my shoes and head out into the front yard.

Michael and the cat are in the tree. Michael is gently trying to calm the cat and lift it off of the branch without getting shredded. The cat is no more than 8 feet off the ground. 8 feet! The cat could make that jump easily but Michael feels that it's necessary to be the neighborhood hero and save the cat's life.

I promise, I'm getting to the point.

Michael says, "Come around the tree and I'll hand you the cat."

Pre marriage answer: "Puh-leeze, I'm not letting you drop a freaked out animal with claws and teeth on me from that tree."

Post marriage answer: "ok"

I went around and took the cat from Michael and, thank god I was wearing a sweatshirt because he totally let the claws fly. Was my decision to catch a falling cat because of a temporary shut-down of my sensibilities? Or was it because my husband, not my boyfriend, asked me to do it?

After the cat was safely on the ground I turned to the kids and asked, "Is that your cat?"

"No"
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Tuesday, April 22, 2008

"The sea was angry that day my friends." - George Costanza


A few weeks ago I did one of those dopey surveys and one of the questions was "Pool or Ocean?" I answered Ocean. I have always preferred the ocean to the pool. I like the motion of the ocean, baby. This in mind, when Jenette and I made last minute plans to head down to the Bahamas for a long weekend, one of the things I was looking forward to was swimming in the ocean. It's been a long winter and going for a swim seemed like heaven.

Our first full day there was very relaxing indeed. I hung out on the beach and read a magazine. When I got hot enough I went in the water for a dip. The waves were pretty big and the under-tow seemed strong, but I'm a fairly strong swimmer and felt as though I could handle it. I swam out past the break and hung out for a while, when the waves seemed to calm down I tried to head in to resume my relaxation. On my way out of the water a woman on the shore pointed behind me and said "Hey, watch out."

Where ever you are, lady on the shore, I thank you because if this wave had caught me by surprise I may not be writing this right now. I turned around and the biggest wave I have ever seen was quickly approaching. Actually, let me qualify that statement. It was not the biggest wave I have ever seen, per se, but definitely the biggest that I have ever seen coming right at me. I don't know how big it was but I had to look up to see the top. I was standing at a point on the shore that I'd have to run back to dive into it (which I didn't think I'd have time to do before it broke) and making it to shore in time was not an option as the previous wave's backdraw was preventing me from walking effectively. In hindsight diving in was probably the right call but I was a bit freaked out and the thought of diving into a wave that size scared me a little.

The wave hit me hard and tossed me ass-hole over ear canal, upside down, right side up. I am extremely lucky that I didn't hit my head in the fray. The mighty Atlantic deposited me, like seaweed, onto the shore. I felt like a shipwreck victim. I had a half pound of sand in my hair and another pound or so in my swim-suit. I had to go back up to our room to shower off and change suits.

The remainder of the vacation I swam in the pool and sat at the swim up bar.

Pool or Ocean? Give me a month or two before I answer that for real. For now I'll take the pool.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Olympic Coverage

Ok that's misleading. I'm sitting on my couch watching the games on TV. I'm not at the games. I'm not even in China. But here are a few observations from Brighton.
Alexander Artemev got robbed on the Pommel Horse. How that didn't get a 16 I do not know. That brings up another observation. No more perfect 10. I don't know about you but I was watching when Mary Lou hit her perfect 10 vault in 1984. That perfect 10 was what all Olympic gymnasts sought after. What is there to work for now? Something over 16? How vague!



This is my observation for today. That and Michael Phelps has some seriously rockin abs.

If you want to check out a real blog about China check out my friend Mike Shaw. The crazy bastard moved to Beijing. Not just for the Olympics...for good.
www.beijingbostonian.com

He's a great guy. Beijing is a lucky, overcrowded, smoggy city to have him. I hope they appreciate our sacrifice.

Olympic Fever

I've got it and I'm tired. Up too late.


Olympic Medal winners at NBC Olympics.com!

Friday, August 1, 2008

Resilient Squirrels and Delicious Chicken

If you think these things have nothing to do with each other, you are dead on. It just so happens that they are in my head at the same time. First the delicious chicken.

Below is a picture of my garden gnome, Jim. He stands guard over my recently planted herb garden. If you look closely you can see the basil and some parsley.









I love Jim.



Now that I have fresh herbs in the backyard I have become very inventive with my cooking. I add fresh parsley to my rice and I throw sage leaves in homemade white beans. Deee licious. But I think my roasted chicken has benefited the most from the herbs. I'll tell you my secret.
You'll need:
1 Roaster Chicken
Fresh herbs
Sea Salt
Olive Oil
Freshly ground black pepper
1 Stalk Celery
4 Cloves Garlic
1 Small onion or Shallot

Buy yourself a chicken of the roaster variety. Clean out the guts and cook 'em up for your kitties. Pick some (or buy some if you are not lucky enough to have an herb garden) fresh herbs. I use a few sprigs of oregano, thyme, rosemary and sage. Reserve half of the herbs aside and chop the other half finely, mix with 2 cloves of chopped garlic, salt and pepper and 2 tablespoons or so of olive oil. Set aside.
Crush the remaining garlic with the handle of a knife and grab the remaining fresh herbs and stuff it in the chicken cavity. cut the celery in 3 or 4 pieces and stuff that in too. Cut the onion in half and stuff that in (as much as you can) you can get creative here. I have stuffed in mushrooms and peppers. Close cavity with a toothpick. This is not stuffing you'll eat it just provides flavor.
Take the herb mixture and rub above and beneath (this is KEY) the skin of the chicken. Roast chicken as you normally would till the juices run clear.

This chicken is delicious.

Now on to the damn squirrels.

We are not fond of these squirrels because they scare away the birds and threaten to topple our feeder. Some friends of ours told us that putting red pepper flakes in our bird feeder would keep the squirrels away. Thus far, the squirrels have not even noticed it's there. In fact the squirrels have become more aggressive and actually sit on the sidelines in wait and rush through the crowd of unsuspecting birdies, then claiming the seed for themselves. They work in pairs sometimes.

If anyone has a better solution (short of shooting them. I'll admit it may be fun but discharging firearms within the Suffolk county lines is discouraged) let me know. For now I'll be taking the red pepper flakes out of the basement and back to the kitchen to use next time I make my chicken.