Dumb Things - July 2008

Unless you live in a cave (or Spring Hill FL) you have probably been to a Starbucks. Even people that are vehemently opposed to patronizing Starbucks grab a coffee in a pinch. How can you not? They're on every corner. My starbucks is across the street from my office building. The people are nice enough but the order taker is really condescending. He'll correct you if your phrasing is off.

"I'll have a double shot of espresso"
"No, you'll have a dopio. Next time ask for a dopio"

Or if your word order is off.

"I'll have a venti iced tea, unsweetened"
"Please say iced first"

But the other day this guy really ticked me off. As you know, if you don't live in a cave or Spring Hill, in busier Starbucks there is an ordering counter, a payment (and tipping) counter and a pick up counter. When I arrived for my beverage there was no one at the ordering counter so I moved on to the payment counter. I placed my order with the girl and she calls out my iced tea and the turkey bacon sandwich. The iced tea order goes off without a hitch but when the coffee order Nazi got wind that I didn't order through him he had a little fit and tried to humiliate me in front of the entire store. Fortunately he's not that bright so his attempt was ridiculous. He came over and in a really loud voice asked me what kind of turkey I wanted.

"Uh...", I said "what kind of turkey do I want?"
"Yeah"
"I just want a turkey bacon sandwich. Since when does Starbucks offer different kinds of turkey?"
He totally ignored my comment and said,
"You should have ordered through me"

So now my Starbucks is the one a half a block away and around the corner. It's a little further away and sometimes painfully slow, but anything is better than dealing with a coffee slinging jackass that thinks he's better than me because he knows the Starbucks lingo.

It is at my new Starbucks that I saw Dumb Thing #1.

The barista (is a male barista still a barista? Is he a baristo?) is a young man I guess about in his early twenties. He is a fairly big guy, reddish brown hair. It's his hair that gets me. He has a regular haircut on the right side of his head and then on the left side it's long and shaggy, like it hasn't seen a pair of scissors in years. He was turning around constantly so I could see the goofy hairstyle from all angles multiple times. I couldn't stop looking at it. I tried to imagine what could have possibly happened that would have made such a coif. Maybe in the middle of his cut the barbershop caught on fire. Or he realized that he only had enough money for half of a cut. Like when you're in a cab and you realize that it's going to cost a lot more than what you have in your wallet.

"Dude, just drop me here."

I have a suspicion, though, that it is entirely deliberate and that the barista in question considers himself "edgy." I got news for you, pal. Not edgy as much as really dumb. You have made my first list of dumb things.

The second Dumb Thing is pictured below:

















This is what's called the warm weather scarf. Note, if you will, the breezy summer hairstyle and the short sleeved summer top. All aspects of this model's outfit are appropriate for the warm weather except one. The warm weather scarf. I have seen a few girls around Boston wearing these ridiculous accessories. It's July and, believe it or not, it does get hot in the northeast. We have had a few days well into the 90s and still these girls are walking around in scarves. Being a slave to fashion often puts you in jeopardy of being sucked into dumb fads.

Am I just getting old? Is wearing winter clothes in the summertime and cutting your hair so you resemble one of those half man and half woman Halloween costumes cool? Hip? Did I miss something?