Julie's Head

My Freezer and Trader Joes...a Love/Hate Story

2011-10-29T13:18:00.000-04:00

I haven't blogged in AGES. I blame Facebook. Rarely do I have something to say that requires more than a status update. I'm pithy. It's how I do. Today I'm in the midst of a rare spell of inspiration so here we go.

I happened upon a Trader Joe's today with some time to kill and decided to run in and grab a few things. $113 dollars later I walked out all pie-eyed and loaded the 3 full paper bags and one wine tote into the car.

What just happened?

Here's a few tips about Trader Joe's:

Be careful if you're watching your girlish figure. Their frozen entrees are laden with fatty deliciousness. The atmosphere in that place says healthy but their food is actually screaming "run away unless you want to be a giant cow."
They have gone the Whole Foods route and only use paper bags now. I appreciate that. This recent reversion back to paper bags makes me want to cut one up and cover a text book...you know just to see if I can. Actually, that's not a bad idea for my cook books is it? Protects them from yuckies. I think I have a rainy day project ahead of me!
Trader Joe's caries wine. Good cheap wine.

Trader Joe's is known for their awesome frozen foods. They have high quality fish frozen, some seasoned some not. I went a little crazy in the frozen foods isle. Veggie burgers and frozen chimichurri salmon...in the cart. Frozen spinach and artichoke hearts...in the cart. I looked down at all the frozen food and said to myself "Hey lady, you're going to have to clean out your freezer, 'cause there ain't room for all these goodies in there, no siree.

Back at home I opened up my freezer and winced. Oh my. What is going on in there?

I know lots of people that utilize their freezer space so well. They shop sales and wrap up chicken and freeze it for another day. I tried to do that once when we bought the house. I'm a homeowner now, I thought, I have to freeze things and save them for another day. That's what homeowners do. The freezer I was looking into had some issues. Long ago purchased food issues. Let me give you a sampling of what I found in my freezer today:

A gallon ziplock of Jamaican beef patties left over from the party for no reason...which we held in April.
2 bags of frozen spinach with about a half serving in them
A full bag of frozen spinach (clearly I didn't need the one I threw in the cart. Dinner anyone? Frozen spinach is on the menu)
A Haddock filet that we'd gotten in Alaska. I hope that's still good. It's sealed up pretty well. Fingers crossed.
A plastic container of cranberry bread batter that I thought I'd surely bust out and bake at some point.
A half eaten Charlston Chew. I didn't even know they made Charlston Chews anymore. Where did that come from?

I could go on and on, suffice to say, there are many ways I'm like my mother and freezer utilization is not one of them. My mom's freezer is like tetris; she knows exactly what's in there and she uses every morsel. I have seen that woman plunge her hand into her freezer (she has 2 by the way...freezers and hands...one freezer on the fridge and a full sized one in the laundry room) and pull out an anonymous looking foil package out of a hundred other anonymous looking packages and have it be the exact thing she's looking for. It is a talent I did not inherit. My freezer is a black hole.

Ok one more for real this is the last one

2010-08-31T22:33:00.004-04:00

and this is the best one I'm not sure how I overlooked this.

Ice falling from the Hubbard Glacier.

And the light at night

Ok One More

2010-08-31T22:28:00.001-04:00

This is the moose video. Now I'm done.

"It's looking right at you. We have to go."

Alaska Out-Takes

2010-08-31T21:39:00.013-04:00

Ok not so much out-takes as much as stuff on the little camera that is cool that I couldn't download while on vacation. There is only one out-take, and it goes a little something like this...

While in Alaska Michael was in charge of the little camera and I was in charge of the big camera. There were lots of times that were not terribly opportune to be changing lenses, like kayaking, so he handled the wide angle stuff and I handled the zoom. He was also in charge of video. I will stress before you view this video this was not Michael's fault.

Picture this. You're in a glacial lake and the salmon are jumping and spawning so you go to shoot some video of it. Just as you start filming a bald eagle flies about 20 feet in front of you. Oh my god it's the video of a lifetime! It's youtube gold!

Memory card full.

You can see the eagle there on the left getting ready to fly across our video. Turns out neither of us had emptied the memory card. Sigh.

Here are a few pics from the little camera that I think are good. All pics will be uploaded soon to picasa or facebook or whichever site is behaving the best the day I try to upload. Enjoy.

No, I'm not saluting. I'd made a Murphy's Law deal with Alaska that day. If I don't bring my sunglasses the sun will come out. I was blind.

And last but not least the pice de resistance...

The full on double rainbow all the way across the sky:

You can hear Michael laughing at the end there. No one on the bus even mentioned the double rainbow guy. And this is a double rainbow but you can't really make it out. Filming conditions weren't great.

We had a great time and if anyone needs AK advice please feel free to drop me a line.

Vancouver

2010-08-31T20:37:00.010-04:00

Sigh. I have a crush on Vancouver. I'm sorry Boston, I'm still married to you but my one night stand with Vancouver was very satisfying.

I lied when I said Ketchikan was our final port. Vancouver is where we disembarked and we spent the day and night there on Saturday. We rented bikes and rode around the perimeter of Stanley Park. What an amazing park indeed. Now before you play the next video please note the following:

1) My husband tends to be reckless and does things he probably shouldn't do.

2) His bicycling skills are piss poor. I mean when I was riding behind him it was unsettling. For some reason he pulls on the handlebars when he pushes the pedals and the result is, well, he's kinda all over the road.

So when I saw he was videoing while riding My reaction was this:

Now take note of the joggers he could have run down and that "line" in the middle there is actually a curb oh and the wall we could have crashed into on the left. Yeah, no need to worry there.

The park is really full of cool stuff like this crazy island that is just off the shore

And this artist that stacks the ocean rocks precariously:

http://articles.latimes.com/2010/feb/19/sports/la-sp-olympics-rock19-2010feb19

Oddly enough that's all I could find on the guy. There are some Youtube videos too

After a bit of lunch we headed to the Public Market on our bikes. This place is what Fanieuil Hall should be. Veggies and seafood and meats and cheeses and spices. No Banana Republic, real fricking bananas, thank you very much. I loved it.

We went back to the hotel with some olives and cheese had a snack and then off to Yaletown. Our first stop here was a place called The Keg. Now, when I say The Keg what do you think? A beer bar..maybe a little grungy. Nope. This place was like a trendy NYC roof deck bar. It was really nice but served three kinds of beer. At The Keg. Three kinds of beer. Huh.

We moved on after a couple of drinks to what is hands down the coolest bar I have ever been to. It's called Raw Canvas and the sign in the window said "Eat, Drink and Make Art." Color me intrigued. We went in and looked around. They weren't kidding. You can eat. You can drink. and you can make art. The front is a bar. Mismatched chairs and beat up wood tables but a very clean and trendy atmosphere. Go down the ramp into the back and there is a bunch of easels set up and you can buy a canvas and paint to your hearts content. Cool, cool, COOL! JP is screaming for a bar like this!!

Now what I really need to stress here is the people of Vancouver. If we had walked into a bar in NYC or Boston that had the trendy vibe that these bars did we would have been treated like crap. We were clearly tourists and Michael was wearing a sweatshirt. We were wrung out from our vacation and showed the signs. Neither of us was up for a night of gussied up shenanigans.The bartenders in both places could not have been nicer and more welcoming. In fact everyone we encountered right down to the cab drivers were so genuinely friendly.

And PS the people in Vancouver all seem to be really fit and beautiful. The only fat people we saw were carrying maps and looked lost.

I will absolutely go back to Vancouver.

Ketchikan

2010-08-31T19:33:00.013-04:00

Or should I say Kitsch-ikan. No that's just mean. It was absolutely the shopping port and we knew that so we saved most of our souvenir buying for this stop. Cheaper and a bigger selection. It was pretty honky tonk but it was an actual functional city much like Juneau. Tourism is big but it is really a fishing town. I was wise to choose the Alaskan Chef's Table as my activity for the day. Oh my. Deliciousness.

This was the final port and we had already been on vacation for a week together. Most of you faithful readers know that Michael and I don't get a lot of time together (understatement!) so we aren't used to being together every night and every day for such a stretch. We hadn't fought at all, but I'm a pretty firm believer that if you don't do something apart once in a while you run out of stuff to talk about. So in Ketchikan we went our separate ways. He went ziplining (shocker) and I went for a fish feast in town and did a little shopping.

The Alaskan chef's table was divine. Much of what you would expect form Alaskan cuisine, it was all fish. Crab legs (from the Wizard!) King white salmon which is absolutely delicious. I never

knew such a thing existed and the chef said he wasn't surprised. It is really difficult to get and extremely expensive. The chef was most impressive. He was ridiculously cute and his name was Ryan Hendricks. 24 years old and is just now starting formal chef's training. He has great talent and can make a sauce that would make my keyboard palatable. Seriously, remember this kid's name he'll be a reality star one day. He has the looks, charm and talent.

Michael's zipline tour was a bit disappointing but I'll leave him to tell you about that.

When we both returned we went up up and away in a sea plane to the Misty Fjords. Well at least we tried to. The plane tour was running late due to mechanical problems (yikes) and then once we finally did make it onto the plane the starter didn't work. Part of this tour is to water-land in the fjords and let us walk out onto the pontoons of the plane, like this:

That's me hanging on for dear life.

That's Michael not hanging on at all.

Now if the plane would have initially started then failed when we stopped in the middle of nowhere...well we would have missed our boat for sure. That would have SUCKED. well when the first plane didn't start we switched to another and took off. The following pictures are through the glass windows of a 6 passenger plane that was built in the 1950s (we found that out AFTER the flight)

When you say you're in the middle of nowhere and you're really just a couple of miles away from somewhere...I mean anything, you really are exaggerating. I have never felt so isolated as I have in the Misty Fjords and at the Hubbard Glacier. Even on a ship full of 5,000 people you felt small and insignificant. The same is true at the fjords. You were truly just out in no man's land. The expanse if Alaska is one of its marvels. It goes on and on and on.

Then we got back and saw this:

Aw yeah.

Alaska to be continued

2010-08-30T13:02:00.001-04:00

I have lots more to say about the trip and more awesome pictures. Hopefully I'll have time to get them up tonight. Stay Tuned!

Time Bandit

2010-08-26T22:51:00.003-04:00

I can't believe I saw the freaking Time Bandit!!!!!

Juneau

2010-08-25T21:59:00.003-04:00

What a lovely little town. It's nice to visit functioning cities. Skagway was a theme park. Juneau was an actual city where people live. Of course tourism is a huge source of revenue but it wasn't set up specifically for tourists.

What a shit show of a day though. Firstly I'll tell you that the weather has been ridiculously beautiful. Today the sun came out again and I didn't even need long sleeves. We ate outside in town and relished every moment of sunshine.

We strolled into town about 9ish and poked around had tea and coffee and shopped a bit. Then we ventured back to the ship to drop off some things before heading to the helicopter tour of the Mendenhall glacier. Leave the ship to meet the guide and ...ummm...guess what. We effed up. The tour left at 9am and we thought it was leaving at 11:30. Shite. So we went back on the boat only to discover that the tour desk was closed and we had to talk to someone outside. Back off the boat (keep in mind we have to scan our cruise card and go through security every time. they must have thought we were nuts) to find out that the tour had been cancelled anyway due to weather. PHEW that could have been a nearly $400 mistake. Back on the boat to drop off the cold weather gear we needed for out tour and back out to Juneau for lunch. Now, had we shown up for the tour at 9 like we were supposed to we would have known early on that it was cancelled and booked something cool on our own like a sea plane ride, but no, we blew it. We had a wine tasting back on the ship at 3 and didn't want to risk being late. Which we ended up being late for anyway since the line to get back on the ship was like 4 miles long. Thank goodness the weather was good today and we just chilled in Juneau otherwise it would have been pretty frustrating.

We found an out of the way bar and got a beer and watched the seaplanes take off. then we took a tram to the top of a nearby mountain and strolled around up there. Saw a bald eagle that had been shot and rescued. They are very impressive birds.

All in all it was a decent day in Juneau. I am hoping for the improbable, a third straight day of awesome weather. Michael will be one soggy zipliner if we get rain tomorrow.

Skagway

2010-08-25T10:52:00.004-04:00

Meh. Skagway is what the cruise folks want I guess but it was a bit Disney-esque. We went kayaking (that's where we saw the bears) so we only spent a few hours in town. We managed to find a great brewery and had a few beers off boat. It was so nice to get off the stupid boat.

Most of you know our last cruise pretty much sucked. Really bad boat and the cheese factor of the cruise in general was nearly intolerable. This cruise is much better and I wouldn't change a thing about our vacation, but the cheese factor is still there. The bars/entertainment is all geared to the old folks. When you get off the boat in a port they have crew members dressed in costumes and they want to take a picture with you. And then there is "formal night" I hate formal night and on this cruise it just seems extra wrong. I just hiked through the tundra and saw huge mountains and bear poo and you want me to put on a gown? No thank you. All that said the cruise is the way to go if you are going to AK. The Hubbard glacier is generally not accessible by anything smaller than a cruise ship and to have come here and missed that would have been a crime. The food on board has been good so far and we have managed to find some people that are nice.

Kayaking was completely amazing and we ended up with a beautiful day. The guides were saying they hadn't had a day this good all season. The forecast called for rain and high winds but the forecast was wrong. Not only was it dry but the sun came out and apparently that is a rarity. We'll be taking a helicopter to a glacier today. Cross your fingers for good weather.

Da Bears

2010-08-25T01:53:00.008-04:00

When I came to Alaska I was excited to see the wildlife but what I really wanted to see was grizzly bears. There is something about the danger that really fascinates me. so today we really got our money's worth. In fact every day we say, "If I had to go home tomorrow it would have all been worth it."

Yes I took that. zoom lens was on but the bears were so close to the bus I probably would have gotten great pictures without it.
Momma bear and her cubs.
and a couple of bald eagles for good measure. More awesome pics to come. I can't believe the beauty we have seen. It's just staggering.

Massive Ice

2010-08-23T23:33:00.008-04:00

A little seal!

Falling ice

Glaciers...

2010-08-23T20:29:00.003-04:00

Ship's wifi is spotty bu I will be posting pictures soon of the glaciers we saw.

People overuse words and the English language is ill equipped to handle the details of the amazing sights we saw yesterday and today. At least my grasp on the English language is. Maybe there are some cunning linguists out there that could describe beauty better than I.

The Hubbard Glacier is just about the most awesome thing I have ever seen. Period. It is an active advancing glacier which means it's moving and getting bigger. Active is a small word for what this glacier actually does. Chunks of ice fall from the face of this glacier every few minutes. The small chunks were probably falling about 50 feet and were the size of buses. The bigger falls were more the size of a building. Possibly bigger. We were really fortunate that we could get so close. The naturalist they have on board told us that the last trip here the ice was to thick even for a cruise ship and they could get no closer than 5 miles. Yesterday we were a mile and a half away and the only ship in the inlet. The sound it makes is like thunder. Even the small ice falls were unbelievably loud.

Pictures soon I swear, but the pictures will not even come close to expressing what we saw. We have video too but can't upload here have to wait till we get home. I'll post those when we return.

Michael At The Top

2010-08-20T23:22:00.002-04:00

hehehe look at how little he is.

Day 3 or Did That Really Just Happen? Really?

2010-08-20T22:26:00.010-04:00

Today we decided to hike in the Denali park entrance. No long bus ride just a relaxed day of hiking. We thought since we weren't going deep into the park that we would see less wildlife. Oh my were we ever wrong.

We started off the hike to the top of Mt. Healy and not 10 minutes in we see this:

That is a baby moose chillin' like a villain about 50 feet of the trail. Someone on the way down gave us the heads up so I threw the zoom lens on and there you have it. A picture of a moose. But it doesn't stop there. Oh no our wildlife tour was just begining. We walked up the trail about another 100 feet or so and saw this:

That's momma moose. I had to lean in for this shot and my heart was pounding out of my chest. We weren't terribly close but moose are really big and I was kinda freakin.

We continued our hike and got close to the top of Mt. Healy. We made a new friend:

This crazy prarie dog let me get so close it was uncomfortable. I didn't have the zoom lens on for this I was so close I could have reached out and pet him. I didn't.

The whole hike we spoke to people that had seen the moose we had seen at the begining of the trail. It seemed that they had been there a while so we were optimistic that we would see them on the way down. That's when we saw this:

Are you freaking KIDDING ME? This was the same baby we saw on the way up but it had crossed the trail and was having lunch. We were about 15 feet away.

We hung out and took pictures and video but we knew momma was close by so we didn't linger too long. I think I didn't breathe the entire time we were there. It was surreal. No zoom lens for this one either. It was the real deal. Up close and personal.

Everyone that is reading this I must tell you that this is a place you need to see. If you have a bucket list add Denali too it. This has already been the most amazing trip and we are only 3 days in.

Denali

2010-08-20T13:09:00.004-04:00

Well folks there it is. Mt. McKinley. It is an amazing thing to lay eyes on and we got really lucky, the people that went into the park the day before didn't see the mountain once, but the clouds cleared for us and we got a spectacular view.

It never really gets dark here. The sun "sets" at about 10:00 but even then it doesn't get truly dark. It sort of stays twilight all night until the sun comes back up at 5:30 or so. It's very bizarre. In fact it is somewhat unsettling. I didn't realize it but there is some comfort in the dark of night. I will say, though, that you really can get a lot into a day when the sun stays up for so long and it's really easy to lose track of time.

Bear in the road!! :) Now off to hike some more.

Days 1 and 2 in Alaska

2010-08-19T23:18:00.003-04:00

Warning. Blogger has had 2 glasses of wine and 6 hours of sleep in the last 48 hours. Typos and tangents may occur.

yesterday is much as you would imagine it...17 hours of travel time in either a car or a plane. Surprisingly smooth but loooong nonetheless. After two delirium inducing flights we were in a car on an Alaskan highway headed for the highest mountain n the USA. Very exciting. Very exhausing.

Route 3 to Denali is a two lane highway that is undergoing some serious renovations. After a pretty major delay for roadwork we started to get into the scenic part of AK (PS Anchorage is a shithole Wasilla is ok if you like target and Sara Palin and stuff.) Mountains everywhere just jutting out of the ground like they owned the place. When we were about an hour from Denali we started to see really huge mounians.

Michael: "Wow those are some big mount...holy shit that's McKinley."
Me: What that sticking up out of the clouds?"
Michael: "Yeah!"

Honestly it must have been the cloud placement or something but the mountains we were looking at and marveling at their size were absoutely dwarfed by the peak sticking up through the clouds. I laughed.

How many of you took band in school? Show of hands? OK put your hands down.

My band teacher introduced us to all of the instruments in the orchestra our first day of band class. From the highest note on the piccolo to the lowest note on the basoon. I remember when he blew the lowest note on the basoon I lauged. I didn't mean to it was just the absurdity of the note. It was so low it was just funny. I had the same sensation when I saw McKinley. The absurdity of the size of this mountain was just comical. Mountains we were in awe of were just a joke. I was surrounded by mountains that were taller than any I had ever seen and here was this crazy peak making a mockery of them. It was like the dude that came in and built a mansion in a shantytown.

We arrived at the McKinley creekside cabins and let me just say that if you ever come here this is where you should stay. Our cabin is right on the creek and the white noise is to die for (Amy this is your spot!) the food is amazing and the pillows rock. Pillows are big in my book.

We went into Denali today and hiked a bit. We saw pretty much every animal you can see in Denali. including a bear in the road! A bear in the road playing with a traffic cone!

Pictures will follow. It's hard to upload here but I'll do it soon.

Dance Like No One's Watching?

2010-08-10T10:08:00.003-04:00

Well, I do that all the time in the appropriate setting. I mean if I'm out dancing I don't really hold back. There are terrible pictures of me dancing at people's weddings (yes that picture, Doc Sue) because I just don't care at all what I look like when I'm cutting it up. I know I must look a fool when I'm out there killing it on the dance floor, but I simply can't help it. I just lose all control. I've been told I'm the life of the party but really I think it's just a nice way of saying I'm a total dork.

So when I walked by Borders this morning and Adam Ant was coaxing me with his Goody Two Shoes, I had a really hard time keeping my pace and continuing on to work. Damn Borders and their awesome outdoor speakers. I honestly wanted to just drop what I was carrying and dance to Adam Ant. That would have been crazy, right? Yes, definitely crazy. If I had been with someone else that had that same urge and two of us took to dancing in front of Borders at 8:30am on a Tuesday morning it may have seemed less crazy, right? I mean we may have been able to get all the johnny-punch-clocks to actually dance a jig before heading into their mundane desk jobs. Everyone in downtown crossing would have had a better day because of the two people that spontaneously danced on their way to work. We would have had a crowd of people dancing to Goody Two Shoes! I know it! At least that's the way it would have worked out with two people dancing...in my head...sigh. One person dancing in front of Borders would have inspired all the johnny-punch-clocks to call the cops.

And here is my question to you...would you be that person to drop everything and dance with me to Adam Ant at 8:30am in downtown crossing Boston? Would you?

Who are you REALLY appreciating?

2009-12-08T15:49:00.012-05:00

I got this in an email. Subject field read: CUSTOMER APPRECIATION!

So I, the actual customer that has been giving you money all this time, can't get the discounted massage. I have to give it away. How is this customer appreciation? I'd call this customer utilization.

The Itsy Bitsy Spider Went Into Julie's Bag

2009-11-30T15:17:00.004-05:00

I think some of you know that our house has an inordinate amount of spiders. About a year ago I went to boil water for tea and three spiders came crawling out of the hinge on the spout. We have had several spider eggs hatch which resulted in about a thousand baby spiders on the wall; once when we arrived home at 2am after a night of carousing about town. I am sure if anyone was watching it was comical to watch two drunk people squish a thousand spiders with paper towels. For us, not so fun. Most recently I had a spider drop out of the tissue I was blowing my nose into.

Seriously horrifying stuff. Today I have added a new chapter to the spider chronicles.

I left the house this morning with the promise of a rainy commute home so I packed my rain boots and other goodies in a Whole Foods reusable bag and took off for the bus stop. The bag was pretty full. It held my aforementioned boots, a pair of shoes to change into in the office, a book, a yogurt and my purse. When I got on the bus it was pretty full but I managed to find a seat. I busted out the old lady reading glasses (which must be ultra hilarious to my fellow commuters to see me reading Twilight with old lady reading glasses) and my book and settled in for a crowded commute. As I took the book out of the bag I saw the spider on the book. The bus is packed at this point, someone sitting to my left someone standing in the aisle to my right. Freaking out was not an option. I transferred the spider from the book to the inside of my bag, where he stayed visible for about 3 seconds then scampered down into the depths of my bag.

Horrors.

The guy sitting to my left saw all of this go down and asked, "Are you OK? Do spiders freak you out?"
I said, "They freak me out enough to NOT want one sitting on my lap."
"Well if he comes back out I'll try to kill it for you."

There was no room to put the bag on the floor so there it sat, on my lap. I tried to read but I was distracted by my constant vigil, waiting for the evil little thing to resurface.

I got out of the bus and emptied all of my business out onto the sidewalk. Out came the yogurt, the boots the purse...no spider.

So now there is a spider somewhere in my purse or boots or bag. It's enough to drive one to madness, knowing it's there, waiting to pounce. It'll probably lay an egg in my purse.

Staycation

2009-09-03T19:57:00.004-04:00

Yeah that's right I said it. Staycation.

We went away for 6 days but didn't fly, didn't leave the country we didn't even leave the state. We stayed!

I will say this about our trip, we have traveled far and wide and haven not encountered so much adversity and weirdness. Don't get me wrong, I had a hell of a time, but we really had a lot of obstacles to overcome and just flat out wacky stuff happen.

First off we had an uninvited guest. His name was Danny and he proceeded to piss all over us and our fun times. It rained our first 2 days of vacation and I'm sorry to say that, for some of our friends, this was the only time away they had. We tried to make the best of it but just ended up with soggy shoes and dampened spirits. We finally said F U mother nature and took the coolers, cornhole and chairs down the dune and sat in the drizzle on the beach. We used the beach umbrellas as...well...umbrellas and defied the elements for about an hour and a half before giving in and heading into the 'combah.

As usual we got beers, steamers and oyster shots. The Beachcomber is my happy place. I love it there and it was the only thing keeping me from being livid about the crappy weather. Usually we can get out of the bar without incurring any injuries, but alas the evening resulted in a swollen eye (I walked into a door. The bathroom doors at the comber are set up poorly and one opens in while the other opens out and I was stuck in the middle of it.) and a broken foot. The broken foot was not me it was poor Jenny who got stomped on by some dude on the dance floor.

Then on to Nantucket where we had beautiful weather and I was able to get in the last beach days of the season. Good sun was absorbed and I may actually keep the tan till October. The house we stayed in was beautiful and perfectly located (albeit jam packed with spiders) between town and Surfside beach. There was a tiny path that led to a nearly deserted beach and Michael and I decided to take said path via bicycle. Well...it was adventurous and really fun in an exhilarating sort of way, but I did fall off the bike and that has resulted in a decent case of poison ivy on my butt. Michael has it too on his wrists. I think from helping me up? I don't know. Whatever, we both have poison ivy and I'd much rather have it on my wrists than on my ass, thank you very much.

Anyway, we ate at two insanely good restaurants while there. Black Eyed Susan's is the home of the best linguine and clams ever. Yes, faithful readers, I have found my death row linguine and clams and they reside at Black Eyed Susan's in Nantucket. We went to LoLa 41 as well and that place was very impressive. I had the sesame chicken noodles (I love a good noodle, people) and it was delicious. When I inquired about the dish the waitress said, "it's a brothy dish." I said, "so it's soup?" She reluctantly agreed it was soup. What do Nantucketers have against soup that the waitress couldn't call a spade a spade?

Sigh...we are home now and even with all of the adversity, I'd rather be on vacation than sitting at work in my veal crate of a cubicle.

Bottles

2009-08-15T16:16:00.005-04:00

If you read with any sort of regularity you are going to scratch your head on this post unless I do some splainin. This morning Michael and I were out for our Saturday morning walk and we stumbled upon a recycle bin full of these crazy old bottles. We were flummoxed as to why some one would just get rid of these things, some of them were really impressive! We started picking through and one of the neighbors came out and started picking through with us. As it turns out this woman and her husband had been caring for her next door neighbors through 20 years of sickness, including Alzhimers. "You see", she said, "we're trying to get into heaven." She gave a little chuckle and I told her she has a great running start, if kindness gets you there. The neighbors have finally died and she was hoping that they would throw the bottles out so she could have her pick of them. She took most of the bottles and invited Michael and me over for a glass of wine some day. They were about the sweetest old couple I have ever met. The pictures below was my pull from the bin. I am posting this because I am going to post the link on an antique bottle site message board to see if any of these are worth anything. Start from the bottom and go up when viewing.

Mung Sucks

2009-08-10T18:10:00.006-04:00

Alright kids we're going to have a little lesson in New England beach attendance. Pay attention there may be a quiz later.

1) The water is cold. Even at its warmest it is still pretty effin cold. I have learned to adapt and swim when it's bone chillingly frigid, especially when you have to climb up a 50 foot dune to get to a bathroom. Which leads me to the next point...

2) The dune at Cahoon hollow is designed to break your spirit. You really don't get the full notion of what you're getting into on the way down. When you do arrive at the bottom of the dune and turn around it's really daunting. You know you have to climb back up there at some point. By the time you get back up to the top with all of your beach going crap you're hot and sweaty and any sort of refreshment achieved by aforementioned cold water is gone, baby, gone. Here's a tip; avoid Cahoon Hollow beach when Aunt Flo is in town or you're having any sort of tummy trouble or when the water is "munged in."

3) The stuff in the water is called mung. It's seaweed I suppose, but this particular brand of seaweed is called mung and it is pretty nasty. It happens all over the Cape and it's a roll of the dice where the oilslick like black mass of crap is going to strike next. When it's really thick the waves don't crash on the shore, they more land with an ugly thud. Like someone hitting a big plastic bag of water with a bat. It has a faint smell to it, nothing crazy, you can only really smell it if it's really thick. Hearty New Englanders will brave the soup and swim in it. One friend of ours has even suggested that the mung soaks up the sun's heat and makes the water warmer. Interesting theory. I mean it does make some sense.

Anyway.

People may wonder why we live in such a place. Deathly cold winters. Barely there summers. Beaches that you have to pack a defibrillator to get to and from only to find out that the water looks like escarole soup that has been sitting out or 3 days.

My answer comes in the form of another cape experience. We were sitting at the Combah (the only beach bar on the cape...no really I'm not kidding it's the only one) and there was a couple from Montreal that kept asking us questions about the cape. They were surprised, and I think a little disappointed, that the beach was not built up. I think they were looking for Miami beach and got turned around at some point. They were intrigued. What do you do here? There 's nothing on the beach You can't stay at a waterfront hotel! What do you DO here?

I pointed them in the direction of P-Town and told them to explore the town centers. There are tons of galleries, shops and restaurant there. Our beaches are as nature intended them to be, condo and hi-rise free and the most peaceful place on Earth. The wonderful thing about it is that there is nothing. There is only something if you want there to be. The galleries and shops are where they should be, in town. The beaches are free of the modern world.

I challenge you to find another 43,000 acres of undisturbed beach. That's why we love it. I can't imagine living anywhere else.

I Fell Down and Alicia Got Married

2009-06-24T20:52:00.004-04:00

You wouldn't know it by all the attention I draw to myself with my big mouth and my online blithering, but being the focus of attention of a large group of people makes me want to pee my pants. The only part of my wedding I dreaded was the part most brides relish, the grand opening of the doors to reveal the bride in all her glory to the 100+ onlookers. All eyes on her. No thanks. I was totally freaking out on my wedding day about being the focal point of so many people. So when Alicia called and asked me to do a reading at her wedding I was humbled, touched, honored and terrified. I would never say no. I love my Alicia and I wanted to be close to her wedding and help in any way I could. So of course I said yes. I wanted to do it, I really did. But I knew the nerves would kick in. I'm glad I didn't know further in advance because I would have obsessed for longer than 10 days.

For the 10 days between the receipt of the poem and the wedding I looked at and recited the poem at least once a day. I practiced when I would breathe. I tried to memorize parts so I wasn't looking down the entire time. I practiced when to swallow so as not to let too much spit collect in my mouth (trickier than you might think!) The poem wasn't long but it contained words like "disdained" and "thine" and the ever feared "clasps." Go ahead, try to enunciate "clasps." It's a tough word!

The day of the wedding I was nervous. I recited the poem in the car on the way up to NH. Then a couple of times in the hotel room. To soothe my nerves my husband drew me a bath and made me some tea...uh ...not!!! To compound my nerves my husband revealed that he had forgotten his dress shoes at home (an hour away) and had to run to the mall to get a pair to wear to the wedding. Awesome.

When we arrived at the wedding my hubby, with his spankin' new kicks, dropped me and our friends that rode with us off close to the entrance. I stepped out of the car and right into a drainage ditch which, if you read with any regualrity, you will know is my one billionth time falling down while perfectly sober. There are two funny things about this fall:

One - I am geting so good at falling that I didn't hurt myself at all. My shoe is a bit scarred but I was remarkably unscathed.

Two - As soon as I fell my nerves calmed down dramtically. After I fell I was not as nervous. Weird.

As I sat in the chair and watched one of my best friends marry her one and only love it all became clear to me. I was so nervous because Alicia deserved perfection and I didn't want to ruin her day by flubbing up my lines, but the event was so moving, I began to worry I wouldn't be able to get through it without crying!

Well, I did it. I fought the nerves and nailed the poem. Even "clasps" came out as nicely as "clasps" can. I was so happy to be a part of the perfect day.

Alicia, if you asked me to I'd stand up in front of the world and have a zillion eyes on me.

But you'll have to supply the Depends.

I am Channeling Tippi

2009-06-18T14:41:00.005-04:00

I really do wish my lunch breaks were less exciting. Maybe the city of Boston is channeling my husband from Brighton and trying to prevent me from spending money? Whatever it is, it's starting to get annoying. Yesterday it was the ugly dress brigade and then today I'm attacked!

As a follow up to my last post, I must tell you that I found a great dress at the Alter Eco in Allston. A sweet little vintage looking 1950s style dress that looks pretty nice on me. Excellent.

Now for shoes. I needed a new pair of black pumps anyway as my old ones are no longer wearable. What a perfect excuse to shoe shop. Yay!! On my way to DSW I was walking down Washington St when someone stepped out of a side street and disturbed a pigeon and it flew up and straight into my head. It batted me with its wing and flew off.

First of all, it scared the bejesus out of me. All I could think about was Melanie Daniels getting out of her rowboat (that she was using to stalk Mitch Brenner) with a bloddy head. My head could look like that!! Or even going the way of poor Annie Hayworth. Avert your eyes Cathy! Avert your eyes!

Secondly, gross. City street pigeions are nasty, filthy, disgusting creatures. The fact that a grody 'ol street pigeon was that close to my face is unnerving.

Such is the life of a Downtown Crossing office worker. At any given moment you could be pooped on or hit or puked on...not to mention the crazy pigeons!

Oh and I found a pair of pumps at Marshalls.

Slacker

2009-06-17T10:24:00.004-04:00

Yes that is me. Slacker. I haven't posted since April? And that was a youtube video?

FAIL.

Anyway, enough self degradation. I mean, life has been pretty smooth lately. That is, until I attempted to find a dress for my friends wedding.

At the last minute, I was asked to do a reading for a good friend's wedding. This means I have to learn a poem well enough to not make an ass out of myself in 10 days. It also means I need to buy a dress. I mean I guess I don't need to buy a dress, I suppose I could get by on what I have, but I think it would be nice to buy a new dress for such a special occasion.

What in the blue blazin' hell has happened to dresses this season? I went everywhere and I can't find anything that isn't butt-ugly for less than $300! WTF? Don't these people know that there is a recession? I have to be in love with a dress to pay more than $150 for it. I went to Marshall's, TJMaxx, Macy's, H&M, Filene's Basement (who by the way had like 10 dresses in the whole store. It's June, people. Why are you out of dresses!?!?), Banana Republic, The Gap...I mean I have left very few stones unturned here. I found nice dresses but they either didn't have my size (is everyone on the planet a size 8??) or they were just WAY to pricey. Out of desparation I walked into Ann Taylor. I mean it's worth a try right?

Sigh. I walked in and the rack of dresses they had on the first floor were weird looking so I continued up to the second and third floors to no avail. As I decended the stairs the sales girl asked if she could help and I told her I was looking for a dress. She brought me over to the rack of weird looking dresses and said, "You should try on one of these."

I said, "They're weird looking."

She said, "They look great on, very flattering to the neckline."

OK I'll give her a chance. I mean I own a few dresses that looked rediculous on the hanger but once I had them on they were great. But this dress was sort of cone like, small at the top and flared at the bottom, sleveless with a very high neck and a ruffly collar. Not big ruffels. But big enough to have me call them "ruffles."

I tried on the dress and it looked exactly like I thought it would, like a cone shaped bag with a clown collar. Flattering to the neckline? I was so distracted by the clown collar I didn't even notice I had a neckline. And it was $130. Bwahahahaha!!

I'm running out of time and retail options. I should probably stop focusing on the dress and start learning the poem.

Ballroom Blitz

2009-04-17T08:27:00.000-04:00

New Blog

2009-03-25T14:19:00.003-04:00

Because I'm so active on this blog (ha ha) I have decided to start up a new one. The new blog is located here http://ourwalloffame.blogspot.com/ . Check back often to see what the family is capturing.

Skiing Adventure Part 2

2009-01-20T08:53:00.004-05:00

As an amendment to my first skiing adventure post I'd like to point out that I didn't actually sit in the bar all day and drink. I nursed two beers until the guys were sufficiently worn out then we went to dinner. Sitting at the bar and drinking all day is what people expect you to do if you are at a ski lodge and not skiing.

Sunday was a great skiing day if you are a very experienced skier and you have thighs made of granite. Neither of these descriptions fit me so I waited until Monday to really get my ski on. I knew the foot of snow that had fallen on Sunday would be groomed to perfection on Monday. We went to Black Mountain and I had the best ski day of my life. The snow was groomed and soft. We got there early so the first three runs were fresh tracks. There is nothing like tearing up flawless corduroy, it makes skiing almost effortless. You just glide down the mountain. Michael had ungroomed trails to ski so we were both in downhill heaven.

As the day progressed, though, the snow started getting softer from the sun and skied up to the point where it became work again and my thighs were protesting. Sunday's shenanigans had really taxed my out of shape thighs so any effort put into skiing on Monday was really painful so I started being lazy on the straight-aways and not so steep parts of the mountain. It was during one of these lazy points when a little red squirrel ran right out in front of me. He was so close to my blades! I swerved to avoid him and he darted back the other way and I had to cut back again. It's a wonder I didn't hit a tree.

Swerving to avoid a squirrel in a car is one thing. Maybe hitting the squirrel insted of causing a head on collision is a good idea but can you imagine running over a squirrel in skis? I think picking little bits of squirrel out of the bindings of my blades would have pushed me right over the edge. Therapy would have been necessary. Michael suggested that, since the snow was so soft, if I had hit him I may have just pushed the squirrel down into the snow and just skied right over him and he'd have been fine. I think physics may have something to say about that.

Between dodging hari kari squrrels and giant mounds of softening snow falling out of the trees (I narrowly avoided that too) it's a miricle I survived Monday's ski adventure.

Skiing Adventure Part 1

2009-01-19T21:10:00.001-05:00

This weekend we went to New Hampshire to hang out with friends and to, once again, revisit the place where we got married. I can’t get enough of the Shovel Handle! As it happens we also did a little skiing.

A few years ago I made the switch from skis to skiboards (or blades, as I like to call them because I’m extremely hip). They are much easier on the knees and…well, just easier all around actually. You can turn and stop on a dime, I always feel in control and they are so much lighter and less of a pain to carry around. Since I have made the switch I have been exclusively on the blades, foregoing actual skis entirely. This has never been a problem at all since I live and ski in New England where powder days are about as rare as beach days. The blades have usually been kind to me but this Sunday we decided to ski in the middle of a snowstorm. The powder was too thick and too deep. I was miserable on the blades. I took one run and that was that, I had a decision to make. I could either go to the bar and drink for the rest of the day or I could man up and rent skis and have fun like everyone else.

Crap it’s only 10:30am. Bar is closed. Off to the rental shop.

Armed with my husband’s wallet (I’d left mine at the house) and an uncharacteristic spurt of courage, I de-bladed and clomped into the rental shop. The rental shop guys thought I was a total nut case. First off, I only had my husband’s wallet which means that I only had his photo ID. They were nice enough to let that slide. Then there was the poor chap that had to listen to me asking for the shortest skis possible since I’ve been on blades for the last five years and I’m freaked out about getting back into skis. He said, “If I give you too short skis you’ll have the same problem you are having with your blades.” Shush with your logic, rental shop man. He gave me 140s and some poles and sent me on my way. “Don’t break your neck, little lady.”

Michael and Steve are the best skiers I know. In fact, my friend Steve taught me how to ski. They could ski in any sort of conditions so they were taking a run while I was manning up and renting skis. There was no way I was skiing the trails they were on my first day on skis in five years so I looked at a map and decided to head up to the “wild kitten” trail to test my legs. I carried the heavy skis up the hill to the lift and headed up the mountain, on the slowest lift in recorded history, in a snowstorm, first time in skis in a half a decade, by myself. Good times were certain to follow.

I have been on the “wild kitten” before. Hardly anyone goes over there because once you get off the lift (which by the way went pretty smoothly) you have to traverse over to a tunnel (a tunnel that has snow in it which has always mystified me) and then traverse for what seems like a mile over to the easiest trail on the mountain. This was hard in heavy skis and in all that crazy powder, but I persevered and finally got to the down hill part of the trail. Shockingly, I was actually staying upright…sort of. Not only that, I was staying in control, somewhat. I was certainly not going to be hitting any black diamonds but I was doing ok. The snow was so deep there was no sound from the skis on the snow at all. It was showing hard and there was no one on the trail. It was mine to enjoy.

I thought, “Wow, this is so beautiful and peaceful.”

Then I thought, “Wow, I could totally fall and die out here and no one would find me until May.”

I skied the rest of the way down and made remarkable progress with my control. By my final run of the day (which was only two after that one, New England powder is exhausting stuff) I was executing tight little turns and handling the piles of powder with ease. It felt great to be back on skis!

Then I went to the lodge to drink for the rest of the day. Best of both worlds.

NESHDRs

2009-01-13T19:15:00.002-05:00

Once a year or so I visit my family in Florida and I drag my husband along. This year my mom scheduled her annual chili cook off while we were there. Yum! She informed me that my dad (yes my mom and step-dad invite my dad and step-mom to their parties and vice versa. Very adult of them, wouldn’t you say?) has been commissioned to bring the hot dogs, presumably for chili dogs. I said, “Oh I’ll bring the rolls.”

New England Style Hot Dog Rolls are the sort that have flat sides for toasting or grilling or what not. Living in Boston I take the presence of these on my supermarket shelves for granted. Can you imagine a lobster roll on anything but a bun you can butter up and grill? Or never having the option for a toasted or grilled roll for your hot dog? Well, welcome to Florida. The land of sunshine, warm weather and rounded hot dog rolls. My dad has always made it perfectly clear that the NESHDRs are unattainable in Florida. When I said I’d bring the NESHDRs from Boston I could practically hear my parents drooling over the phone. My mom actually mentioned it twice to my sister in one day. Sure I’ll bring the rolls. I mean, how hard could it be to transport exceptionally soft white bread products in an airplane, right?

The day of the flight came and Michael had gotten the rolls the day before. I packed the rolls, as my friend Courtney advised, in the top of a canvas bag and planned to carry them on the plane with me. My plan was to store them under the seat in front of me.

Earlier in the week, I’d sent an email to my dad and step dad with my flight info and my step dad emailed me back saying “Hey you’re in first class! Have a Manhattan for me.” Well our flight was at 7:45am and a Manhattan at that hour is a bit boozy, even for me. I was surprised to learn that we were in first class. It wasn’t something that we asked for. We weren't scheduled to be in first class on the way back to Boston. We certainly didn’t use enough miles to be in first class. It’s a mystery, a very comfy mystery.

The bad thing about being in row 1 on a plane is that there is no seat in front of you and you have to store all of your carry-ons and personal items in the overhead bin. No chance I was putting the precious cargo in the overhead bin. The rolls had already survived being carried through the airport by a man whose boarding pass looked like it had been chewed by a lama after ten minutes (seriously how did he mess that thing up so badly in 10 minutes?), no way was I chancing the overhead bin and it’s contents that may shift during flight. The flight attendant was kind enough to put the bag in the closet at the front of the plane, albeit with some funny looks.

We arrived in FLA on Friday and the chili cookout was scheduled for Saturday night. I love that my parents can schedule a cookout for the 10^th of January and not have to worry about potential snow or sub zero temperatures. In fact they were concerned that temperatures would drop to under 65 degrees that night, which would have prompted my parents and their friends to don their winter coats and my sister to actually put on socks.

The rolls made it from the plane to the rental car, to my dad’s pantry, to my mom’s cookout with minimal crushing and no signs of staleness at all. When I brought them into the kitchen my mom broke them apart and put them into a bowl and took them out to the grill for toasting. Buttering each roll seemed absurd as there were thirty-two of them. The bowl came back into the house as quickly as it left, “The grill is full. You’ll have to butter them and cook them on the griddle or else they get eaten as is.”

I did not bring 4 packages of NESHDRs 1,500 miles to have them eaten raw. So, dear readers, I buttered and griddled the crap out of those NESHDRs, all 32 of them. My grandma sat and watched me from the kitchen table and asked, “Are you cooking the rolls?” When I was done and I set them on the buffet table you would have thought I had walked a unicorn in on a leash.
“What are these?”
“Well, I’ve never seen anything like this.”
“Did you cook these?”

Suffice to say that the rolls were a big hit, gone in mere minutes. I think I saw my dad knock over old ladies and small children to get to the plate of rolls. But the joy of introducing Floridians to a delicacy such as the NESHDR comes with a heavy price. I will never again be able to board a Tampa bound plane without NESHDRs in my canvas carry on.

Hint Hint

2009-01-07T19:56:00.000-05:00

I went to have my nails done at Brighton Nails in Oak Square after work. Like most places the nail salon is run and attended to by Vietnamese women and as always there was a Buddha shrine in the salon. These little shrines always have a cup of rice and a bowl of water for an offering. Sometimes you'll see fresh fruit or veggies there as well. Today my nail techs were offering the Buddha Weight Watchers brownies. A full box of them, sitting there as pretty as you please in front of the Buddha shrine. I didn't snap a pic of this because 1) it seemed disrespectful and 2) I had forgotten my phone at home and was cameraless. That'll teach me.

Miracle Pants or I Got Splashed By a Cab

2009-01-07T14:43:00.000-05:00

Running errands at lunch is always stressful. Trying to squeeze an otherwise enjoyable shopping experience into an hour long, nerve wracking blitz is never fun. Today I had an additional time line other than my hour lunch allotment. I'm leaving for FLA on Friday and I'm nearly out of foundation and moisturizer, both of which cannot be found in Spring Hill. In fact I don't think they sell anything other than St. Ives and Maybelline in Spring Hill and since I've developed this annoying sensitive skin issue I can't cheap out anymore, though I'd really like to spend less than $36 for a tiny thing of moisturizer. But I digress.

Since I have to be a facial product snob now I need to go to Sephora and get the things I need. Sephora is in the Pru Mall and I work the Financial District in downtown Boston. I got on the green line and headed off to run the obstacle course of the Pru at lunchtime. I needed foundation, moisturizer and to return a shirt to the GAP. Eyes on the prize. In and out. No funny business.

But Victoria's Secret was having their Semi Annual sale.

First things first.
Return the shirt to the GAP.
Get moisturizer.
Hit the VS sale.
Head all the way over to the other side of the mall to get the foundation.
Get back on the green line and go back to work.
All in one hour. Yeah right.

I was actually making pretty good time and got everything I needed. VS was the biggest bag I had and it was the cheesey paper bag they give you when you shop at the semi-annual sale not the nice shiny shopping bag for their "regular" customers who pay full price. They crammed all of the nice new, on sale bras and undies into the paper bag and sent me on my cheap girl way. I tried to condense the bags from the other stores in there as well which made for a cheap paper bag busting at the seams.

I speed walked through the mall in my Sorels (which must have been quite a sight) and headed out the mall door toward the Copley T station. As I waited on the middle-of-the-road island to cross the street a cab trying to make the changing light barrelled past and caused the ocean of a puddle of salty slush in front of me to slosh up and take up new residence on my pants. I must admit I let out a yell as it was happening. I saw it coming but too late to move out of the way.

My first thought was, "I wish I had superpowers so I could fly after that cab and pull the driver out and bludgeon him."
My second thought was, "Thank god I'm wearing my miracle pants."

I always wear my miracle pants when it rains. They are a light weight Geoffrey Beene Poly/Rayon/Spandex blend that dry remarkably fast. But wet pants were the least of my worries.

As I got on the T I noticed that my VS cheap paper bag, that branded me as a sale shopper, was wet. Had it been their nice regular bag it would have resisted the water but this one just sucked it right up and threatened to bust through the bottom, spilling my new bras and panties for all the world to see. I grasped the over stuffed, damp paper bag from the bottom and the sides and willed it to stay together until I reached the office. It did.

With my tattered bag and my wet pants I walked back into the office 20 min late from my lunch "hour." I dried my pants under the "excellerator" in the ladies room.

Shopping trip successful. Wet and cold, but successful.

My Cat is Crazier Than Your Cat.

2009-01-06T20:31:00.000-05:00

About a week ago my husband informed me that there was a creepy-crawly in the kitchen under the boot tray. By creepy-crawly I mean a House Centipede which looks like this:

If you have never encountered one of these, count yourself lucky. They don't bite or sting. They aren't even especially large but they are about the creepiest things you'll ever see. When I came into the kitchen our cat, Miss. America, was pawing at the boot tray, trying to get the invader. We assumed she apprehended said creepy-crawly because it disappeared. Good riddance. Those friggin things give me the jeebs.

Every day since then Miss. America has been holding vigil at the boot tray. She sits and stares for hours on end at the boot tray and water dish. As I write this she is sitting next to me with an unwavering stare. It's creepy. Almost as creepy as the creepy-crawly. It has gotten to the point that I think our other cat, The Fozz, is dehydrated because she's blocking the downstairs water bowl. There is a water bowl upstairs as well but he's partial to the one downstairs for some weird reason. Same exact bowl. Same exact water. It's just on a different floor and he likes the downstairs water better.

I feel that I have to go into the kitty history a bit here. The Fozz and Miss. America are siblings, feral cats that were rescued from under a friends porch in Somerville. The Fozz seems to have come through the experience ok. He's sociable and pretty chill. He hangs out when guests are here and people marvel at his impressive girth (he's 18lbs of gray feline) and laugh when they watch him try to get through the cat door that seems impossibly small for a cat his size. The Fozz is our normal cat.

Miss. America is the crazy one.

Our friends don't believe that we have two cats because they only see The Fozz. Miss. America stays hidden when we have company. So far she will only show her face for me, my husband and my sons. That's it. When we are around she is a total attention hog. She will relentlessly head-but our hands so we'll pet her to the point that after a half hour of constant petting we have to sit on our hands to get her to go away.

But now all she does is sit by the boot tray, watching, waiting, poised for the attack.

Our neighbors cat is on Prozac. Perhaps that is the answer.

The Fozz

Miss. America holding vigil.

London Calling! Christmas Entry 2008

2008-12-24T09:03:00.000-05:00

Hello! I know you all missed me. I took a bit of a break from the blog after the honeymoon. After the adventures in Europe, life in Boston seemed a bit boring. Not much to write about. But now I'm back at it in grand style!

First, I'd like to tell you that I finally have a friend that is from the UK who has made it into my cell phone. I can, at long last, assign London Calling by the Clash to a number in my cell phone and have it make sense! Thanks Steve!! I have been waiting a long time to do that.

Last night I played trivia. Poorly I might add. It was not one of my finest showings. One of the questions that was asked was: What children's game was designed in the 1940s by Eleanor Abbott, while she was recovering from polio? Answer: Candyland.

Of course, being the genius I am, I over-thought the whole thing and reasoned that the girl is recovering from polio so she is probably dreaming about the things she can't do because of her condition. Things like climbing up ladders and sliding down chutes. Thus my answer (my wrong answer) Chutes and Ladders.

That is when my UK buddy, Steve, said to me; "Oh you mean it's not Snakes and Ladders here?"

"Snakes?!?! You have your children slide down snakes?"

I remember playing Chutes and Ladders as a child. It's bad enough that when you get to a chute you have to go back and cover ground you had already worked so hard to get through. Especially that really big one that went from all the way from box 87 to box 24. Childhood devastation was the big chute! But to add to the trauma of certain board game defeat by having to slide down a snake? What are those UKers thinking?

See for yourself.

Here's the game I remember.

Now here is a version of Snakes and Ladders that I found online.

Look at the one at the bottom bearing his teeth! Good heavens!

To all of you last minute Christmas shoppers out there especially in the UK, please steer clear of the game that involves sliding into the jaws of a snake.

And my Christmas wish to you all...May your holiday season be all ladders that go from box 28 to box 84! Happy Holidays!!

Tunisia

2008-11-09T04:57:00.000-05:00

We are at our last port and two hours from now we will be shoving off for our last day of our vacation. I know I’ll be leaving for home with mixed feelings. I will look forward to living in my home again. This little cabin is pretty confining and the shower is teeny tiny. I’ll miss waking up in a new city every day and the feeling that there is a new adventure lying ahead. I will not miss dressing for dinner every night. What a pain.

Tunis was interesting but slightly disappointing. Our tour guide was a long winded idiot. He gave information that should have taken 10 minutes in 3 hours. He just kept repeating himself over and over and pausing for dramatic effect in between every other word. We did see some amazing things like the place where they did human sacrifices and aqueducts that were remarkably well preserved. Too bad the crappy tour didn’t actually stop at the aqueducts so I couldn’t get a picture. Grrr. Oh and the locals chucked rocks at us as we were leaving. I don’t recommend Tunisia.

We came back to the boat, took a soak in the hot tub and decided to nap. In doing so I kicked the camera off the bed and broke my lens. It still works but the zoom is acting really funny. I can’t believe it. I CAN’T BELIEVE IT! Grrr.

I am sad to be leaving and getting back to reality but part of me is ready. I miss all of you! We’ll see you soon!

Oh, and Michael rode a camel.

The Snowman

2008-11-07T11:54:00.001-05:00

Malta

2008-11-07T10:48:00.000-05:00

We’re in Malta and the weather has finally broken and it turned out to be a beautiful day! I’m sitting on our veranda snacking on spicy, garlicky olives as I write this and my super awesome husband is off getting me a pina colada. Our ports were amazing rain or shine and we had a really great time in all of them so far but at times we were making the best of it, especially in Pompei, and that’s just not how you want to be feeling on vacation.

Ah yes now I have the pina colada and am properly inspired.

Up until today we have been shaken out of bed every morning as we dock by the ships engines. I’m not sure why they are more powerful as we dock, but like clockwork at 6:30am our room feels like it’s suffering from an earthquake. One morning it was so violent it shook my water glass right off the bedside table and sent it crashing to the floor. This morning was the first that we were able to sleep past 7:30 (the day we were at sea we did too but we were all prepared to sleep till like 10 or so when they made a public announcement bong bong get up and see mount Etna on the starboard side. Grrrr. Happy to see Etna but man we really needed to sleep in) since we were tugged in to Valetta.

We went through the Messina strait yesterday and it is really something to see. I didn’t have a clue that a) Italy and Sicily were so close together and b) that Sicily was so flipping big. We could see it all night on our trip and on a clear day you can actually see it from the north side of Malta. After spending some time on the very windy deck to take pics of the strait we headed down for our spa treatments. It was the second best spa treatment of my life (Costa Rica wins that contest every time hands down.) I got a seaweed wrap and half body massage. Michael got a full body massage. We were like jello afterward.

Today was Malta and we went to Mdina via open bus and had a look around. Very interesting city. We had a pizza and baguette for lunch (I love the way Europeans eat) and then headed back to the boat. It was an especially short day at this port. It’s 4pm now and the boat is ready for departure. Malta is very nice but it is really hard to follow up Rome and Pompei . There is just no comparison. Even in the rain those two ports blew me away. Tomorrow is Tunisia and we have a tour booked to go to Carthage. I think it’s a half day tour which is good because I would really like to at least swim in the Mediterranean Sea once on this trip. It’s just been too cold and miserable to even consider it. Malta was sunny but still a bit too cool to go for a swim with no towels to warm us after the dip.

We have found people to hang out with which was no small task since 80% of this boat is 80 years of age or better. Michael and I were invited to a special cocktail reception at 11:30am (weird time) for honeymooners and guests celebrating their anniversary. There were very few honeymooners and most of the couples were celebrating their 50th anniversary.
Our niche is the martini bar. It’s frosted over by a refrigeration unit and creates “snow” on the bar. So, of course we made a snowman. We went there initially because the music is tolerable and the atmosphere is relaxing. We met a really nice gay couple from Los Angeles and now we have dinner with them since the couple next to their old table kept flashing them death looks. We see them ever night at the martini bar at 7pm on the dot. After a few nights we read our daily information paper and turns out 7pm at the Martini Bar is “Friends of Dorothy” hour. I really think that a majority of the passengers on the boat have no clue what that even means.

Our “Isaac” is actually named Jonny. He is quite nice.

One more port and one day at sea and this is all over. See you all soon!

Ciao, Beautiful Orange Hat

2008-11-06T12:39:00.000-05:00

On our tour to Pompei our tour guide was a real character. He was cracking us up at every turn (and trust me the road to the top of Vesuvius has a lot of turns). He was almost offensive but he rode the edge well and had everyone in stitches. At the end of the tour we were stuck with a 50 euro note, too much for a tip, and a few coins, not nearly enough. At the end of the tour the guide came up to Michael and said “I really a-like your beautiful hat.”
Problemo solved. Tip covered. Now we just have to find Michael a new hat!

Old Owner Of Beautiful Orange Hat

New Owner Of Beautiful Orange Hat

Italy

2008-11-06T11:59:00.000-05:00

The fact that everyone on the bus survived the trip to Rome is a miracle. There were injuries and breakdowns and…well, I’m getting ahead of myself.
We started the day at 7am and headed down with the rest of the drones to the theatre to meet for our respective tours and excursions. I should have known the day was going to go south when I couldn’t have tea and the coffee was foul. How can this boat go to places with such astoundingly great coffee and serve absolute swill on board? We left Civitavechia and headed for Rome. It was about a 2 hour ride and our guide was great. He told us great little secrets like how to get a ticket to the Coloseum without waiting in line and how not to get ripped off at every turn. We went to St Peter’s Square and into the basilica. It was totally overwhelming. It’s so huge and built with so much marble that it’s a wonder it doesn’t just sink into the ground from all the weight of it. We had a great little Panini near the square and grabbed a cab to the Coloseum, took a look at that area and walked back stopping at the Pantheon and a few other spots. We filled our water bottle all day with the water that flows out of the spigots all over the city. When we met up for the bus ride back we ran into some trouble. To get to the bus you had to go up two escalators. One of the “up” escalators was broken and we had a woman on the tour that was unable to do more than a few stairs. We ended up sitting in Rome traffic in an intense thunderstorm for 30 minutes to circle back around to stop again to collect her. Once we got on the highway it was smooth sailing until the bus broke down and we had to sit on the side of the highway for an hour and wait for another bus. To transfer from the broken bus to the working one we had to walk in the dark and rain on a ledge about 2 to 2 1/2 feet wide overlooking a 3 foot deep and 5 foot wide cement ditch. Of course an old woman fell in the ditch and we watched it happen. She said she was fine afterward but I don’t know how she was. It was a really big fall and it was traumatic to her and everyone watching.
Italy in general is completely amazing. I live in Boston and Americans consider my city rich with history. One of our tour guides lives in a house that is older than Boston. Seeing structures that have been around for 2,000 years really puts things in perspective. Pompei was so much bigger than I thought. Things are so well preserved that it’s eerie to be in there looking around. To think that it was a thriving town 2,000 years ago is surreal.
It is very interesting and entertaining to be in Europe for our presidential election. Every person we have spoken to from Spain to Italy has been holding their breath hoping for an Obama win. What’s happening in the US right now affects the entire world and we have spoken to dozens of Europeans that are elated that Obama won. One of the tour guides was so happy about the win he actually kissed an American girl on the tour!! It’s really something to see. I’m glad we were here for it!

Days 3 & 4

2008-11-02T10:00:00.000-05:00

All right, night 2 on the ship was way better than night one. Dinner was much better. I had an oysters Rockefeller appetizer and it was fabulous. The spinach in my salad was actually fresh (the first night’s dinner included a Cesar salad that was so wilted and brown neither of us ate it). There is no bar with decent music so we’ll just have to suck it up. The band is ok and watching the old folks dance is fun. Michael and I have our own little version of dancing with the stars going on. We judge the winner after every song. There is no chance of us getting up and dancing. These couples look like they have been dancing together for 30 years. They are flawless. Michael and I would be contaminating their dance floor.
The Marsailles port was fabulous. We took a tour of the countryside and visited a few little villages. The rain held out, thankfully, and we had cloudy and very windy conditions. It was a rough day for us though seeing that we had been up since 3:15 (see previous posting) so we were both practically falling asleep on the bus. We had lunch in a café in one of the villages and it was delicious indeed. I had a baguette with pate. That was it. No lettuce or tomato or anything just baguette with pate and it was ridiculously tasty. We also got a plate of cheese knocked our socks off. The food in the ports has been amazing so far. The food on board is really inconsistent. It is either unbelievably delicious, like last nights dinner, or entirely inedible like today’s lunch.
The Nice stop on the cruise actually was Villefranche and not Nice at all. We were frustratingly close to Cannes, Nice and Monaco and didn’t get to see them. We are actually tendered here so we boarded a smaller boat and headed into town. We purchased a train ticket to Monaco a 15 minute ride for 5 euro each round trip. The next train was 40 minutes from leaving so we had a coffee at a nearby café and then went back up to the platform where we were informed that the train would be delayed at least 30 minutes or it may be cancelled altogether. We got a refund and decided to take a taxi. I mean, it can’t be that expensive for a taxi if it’s only 15 minutes train ride away right? Wrong. 60 euro each way to get to Monaco. OK so we’ll skip Monaco (bummer) and go to Nice on the bus. When we finally found the bus stop we discovered that the entirety of the 3 tendered cruise ships had also discovered the bus stop and the already full bus that pulled up was only going to fit a few of the giant waiting crowd. If I wanted to stuff myself into a bus to head into town I’d have stayed in Boston. So we walked around Villefranche, which was really picturesque and pleasant, for a couple of hours had a sandwich that kinda tasted like feet and got back on the ship and sat in the Jacuzzi and napped. It actually turned out to be a great day even though we didn’t get to see the port fully.
Traveling from town to the tendered ship in this port was a bit of an adventure. We traveled back in one of the ships lifeboats (good to know they work) and the crew had a hard time getting us next to the ship. It was so windy that when the attendant tried to throw the rope off of the ship onto the lifeboat the crew member missed the rope entirely because the wind blew it out of his reach. We then had to circle back around and make the approach again. The seas are pretty rough and the lifeboat captain crashed into the ship a couple of times before getting it right. It was slightly unsettling.
I’m posting a few pics here but the internet is charged per minute and the pics are slow to upload. I’ll see what I can do about reducing the size of more if I have time but it’s turning out to be one full day after another. I think the days at sea will be more productive with blogging and photo maintenance.

Days One and Two

2008-11-01T00:42:00.000-04:00

Well here we are. At sea. It’s 4am right now and we are both awake. Michael thinks it’s the time difference but I think it’s the constant creaking and listing back and forth.

Our journey here was smooth and relatively uneventful. The Paris airport is quite the feat of architecture and it is huge. We arrived at gate E2 and had to depart from F2 so you would think it would be a short little jaunt from one to the other. Nope. It took us a good 15 minutes to walk to the next gate and that was with the people movers speeding us along. It’s just massive! At the Paris airport I experienced my first rude French person. He was standing behind me trying to get through a huge crowd of people to see the TV monitors indicating the locations of gates and flights. He let off about 5 or 6 rapid fire “excuse me’s”

Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.

In order to get out of his way I had to move into the way of other people (that said excuse me only once) so I looked back at him and said “I’m trying!”
He said “you’re trying?”

I got out of his way and into the way of the other people because, clearly, he was vastly more important.

Barcelona was completely amazing. I love it. There are crazy tiny little streets that cars actually travel on. You have to press yourself into a doorway to avoid being hit! We arrived at the hotel at 11:30 starving which was unfortunate for us because it was too early to check in and just try getting food at 11:30 in Barcelona. Apparently it’s an uncivilized time to eat. We did find a place and had some of the famous cured ham and sausage and white beans. Very nice.

Then we hopped on a tour bus. It would have been fun to explore the city without getting on a tour bus but when you have on day and a big list of things you want to see it’s totally the way to go. We saw the unfinished Sagrada Familia and it was pretty much worth the trip to Barcelona in itself. When it’s finished (if it’s finished) it will be even more spectacular. It is an absolute mammoth; this giant work of art in the middle of a functioning area of the city. Across the street are regular looking apartment buildings and shops, then you turn around and BAM you are in the shadow of this enormous structure. Sandra (the awesome lady at the hotel) made a great point. How did they build an entire Olympic village in a just a couple of years and it’s taken over a hundred years to halfway build a church. At 10 euro a pop for a tour it isn’t the money. Yes, it’s not just a building it’s art, but seriously. Finish it already. God is waiting. We also saw the Park Guell and got a pretty good feel for the city from the top of the double-decker.

Our one and only dinner on land was in Barcelona and I am convinced it was prepared by angles or fairies or something but no human can make something this good. I have the philosophy that when you are abroad you should a) always at least try the local cuisine and b) order simple food as it is often the best. I had pasta sauted with shrimp and it was the best pasta I have ever had, bar none. It was home made and the pasta and shrimp were tossed together in a highly heated pan so that parts of the pasta were crisped, almost toasted. Michael had steak, I know shocking right? Actually, yes it was a bit shocking. They didn’t ask how he wanted it prepared so he got it practically raw. Now, I like my meat medium rare but this was even too rare for me. Michael likes his meat cooked medium well so this was highly irregular for him. The meat was of such high quality that the rareness of it was not a factor even for Michael. He ate all but 2 bites, and he left those because he was full. Jenny and Dave would be proud!

Luckily our first day in Barcelona was nice because we got up the next morning and it was pouring. We got breakfast and walked around some then got lunch and walked around some more.

Then we got on the boat.

I have some things to say to the people that told me the following:

“Oh, you can’t even feel the motion you won’t even be able to tell you are on a boat.” – Okay, whoever said this must have been on a way bigger boat then we’re on because I can barely walk down the hallway without slamming into the walls. Michael says “If we can make it through the vacation without puking, we win.” Ah, a sexy honeymoon indeed.

“There is so much to do on the boat you won’t mind the days at sea and you may want to stay on the boat while you are at a port to have the ship to yourselves” – Now, granted we have only had one evening on the boat and we haven’t explored fully but 2 of the 3 bars we visited were playing an “It’s Raining Men/I Will Survive” medley. Not kidding. We have a few more bars to check out and I’m sure we’ll find our niche, but for now this is a means of transportation and nothing more. Bring on the ports, for the love of pete.

“You’ll gain weight the food is so good on the ship” – So far, not so. Dinner was very nice and the food was good but not that good and compared to the dinner in Barcelona it was not even close. You can’t even compare the two. Cruise ship food is clearly made by mortal men. Oh, and we requested a table for two months ago and didn’t get it. Apparently, there are 94 people waiting for a table for two so we are at a table for 4 with another couple that didn’t show up for diner last night, thank god.

I think different people have different versions of fun. Michael and I really just like to be left to our own devices, left alone really, so I don’t think that the cruise ship is our ideal vacation and we sorta knew that coming into it. Try everything once right? How else can you see all these cities? We were asked so many times if we wanted our picture taken that even if we had agreed to it a reasonable amount of times (like 2 or 3) we still would have been hounded 5 more times. The waiters asked us if we wanted more drinks so frequently that we were tempted to make a sign that said “No Thanks” and put it on the table. There were 5 or 6 waiters working the room and no assigned sections so every waiter that walked by asked if we wanted a drink. It was like being beaten up. At first I thought “wow great service” but, it went from great service to hard sell in a matter of minutes.

I don’t mean to be negative and I am sure this will get better and the ports are going to be amazing even if it does pour the entire time, which it’s supposed to. I am having fun! Michael and I are having a great time people watching, that’s for sure. Marsaillles is our first port and I can’t wait! We’ll be going to the Luberon villages in the countryside. Sounds great for photos! Hopefully tomorrow night is a better cruise experience. It’s formal night for dinner so I get to dress up.

OMG the friggin boat just shook like it went over a speed bump at 50mph. Sleep? Yeah right!

Honeymoon Fever

2008-10-22T21:54:00.000-04:00

Cruise

Well it's finally here. We planned this so long ago that I'm really unsure how to handle it being so close. The cruise, the honeymoon, the (as Michael calls it) mother of all vacations, is finally here. One week from this moment we will be in the air over the Atlantic Ocean heading to Barcelona. I bought a nice camera to document the sights and I'll be bringing the computer with me so that I can post (and store) pictures and blog about our adventures. Actually, that's a lie. I'm bringing the computer so that Michael can keep up with his email and send trivia.

But, I will be writing about our trip and depending on how things go my musings may find their way onto this blog. Stay tuned for pics and wit.

Also, cross your fingers that I'm not still sick. I'm feeling under the weather right now. Not good.

Hey Sarah Palin!!!!!

2008-10-17T13:08:00.001-04:00

What?? Is McCain off his rocker?

2008-10-15T22:23:00.000-04:00

Did McCain really just suggest that soldiers coming home from Iraq should jump into teaching jobs straight off the battle lines with no certifications? Yes he did. I can't believe Obama didn't jump on that one. Our troops are brave and deserve our support but fighting in a war doesn't make you qualified to teach impressionable children. Will they have any psychological testing? Will they have to have a college education?

McCain's poise tonight was remarkably un-presidential. His demeanor after the debate while he was walking around on stage was un-presidential. I'd go so far as to call him unproffesional! I'm reminded of a certain inhuman scream four years ago...

Cha Ching

2008-10-13T13:02:00.000-04:00

This years football/gambling season is going well. I won last weeks weekly picks and I'm in the running this week too. Also still in the knock out pool from work. If tonight's game score is between 35 and 37 points combined I win again. I wonder if there will be an angry mob at my door if I win 2 weeks in a row.

Sweet!

2008-10-06T19:16:00.000-04:00

This week my football picks are right on the money. The weekly pool where you pick against the spreads is really going my way. I have 9 right and, provided the MNF game goes well I'll be in the money to the tune of 4 Benjamins.

Here's what I need:
Vikings to win. Or if the Saints win they have to only win by 3 or less. And the total combined points of the game final scores needs to be under 36. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

The elimination pool at work is going well too. I'm still alive with the Dallas pick from last week. This coming Sunday I picked the Jets to win. Again, cross your fingers, Cincinnati may be sick of being winless. That would be trouble for me.

Fall-Down Predicted

2008-10-06T18:58:00.000-04:00

My faithful readers (all four of you) know from past blogs that I tend to fall down quite a lot. This is why I was alarmed to find that the house cleaner that we recently hired has polished our floors with butter, or something equally as slippery. It's like an ice rink in here. Remember when Tom Pledged my floors? Yes, well, it's like that only slightly less slick and all over the house. If I fall down I'll let you know. The fall down blogs are always very amusing.

Palin Bingo!!

2008-10-02T13:13:00.000-04:00

Play it tonight!!!

Evil Woman

2008-09-26T20:40:00.000-04:00

Someone brought this issue to my attention today. I posted this article on my facebook page and got a rather snarky retort from a friend with this article telling me to "check my facts."

First off, imagine if this became a nationwide policy. Suddenly thousands of rape victims are having forensic tests done to find the offender. Insurance companies are now inundated with $500-$1,400 per victim to cover. I have a feeling that insurance companies will quickly make it their policy to turn back the cost to the victim. Health insurance companies are bastards. I know that I have had procedures that have been turned down by my insurance company. If insurance companies are the ones to make the decision whether or not to turn the charge back to the victim what do you think they will do? Even if they do make the decision to cover the cost in full can you imagine how much premiums would shoot up? Not just for victims but for all of us.

Another thing to think about: Wasn't my tax dollar (or at least some of it) designated for keeping me safe from the rapist in the first place? The least the city/state/country could do is use it on the flip side to fund law enforcement to find the rapist and a huge part of that is the forensic kit.

A brutal rape is a life changing event. The trauma is enough to deal with without getting a bill for a test that is required of you when you go to the hospital and police to report the crime. Getting a bill for it is insensitive to say the least.

Above and beyond this issue, I really do believe that Sarah Palin is a scary individual. She would take away all of my rights as a woman if she had the power to do so. She is frighteningly under qualified to be our president and she is a breath away from that title as VP.

Please don't put this woman the White House.

Party's Over

2008-09-23T12:29:00.000-04:00

In a strange turn of events, T's Pub "The Place To Meet" closed their doors on Monday September 22, 2008. On Monday night the staff was informed and what ensued after the last staff meeting was all out debauchery. Michael and I joined the staff and a few treasured regulars to send off T's with a bang.
There were a few tears but mostly there were smiles. Not that anyone is glad to see T's go, mind you, but laughter and crazy times were what made T's Pub what it was. Sure, it got a little expensive and the place was in dire need of a face lift, but the reason we went was not for the decor or to get a cheap drink. Our friends were always there. At any given time on a weekend night The Corner was always full of people that were happy to see us. For 27 years T's has been standing and for 11 of those years Michael has taken the booth on Thursday nights to run trivia. The first time Michael and I danced to "Into the Mystic" (our wedding song) was at T's Pub. We watched history be made on T's Big screen TV in 2004. When we were in Los Angeles for the Patriots first Super Bowl win, our first call was to Mook at T's.

Friendships are stronger than the walls that contain them. We will remain friends with all of the people that we met at T's. It's sad to see it go but what have we really lost? Four walls. Our family is still in tact. We just need to find a new home.

Skin of My Teeth

2008-09-22T13:06:00.000-04:00

Week 2 of the football pool was a tough one. I lost an entry with a Bears pick. Ugh. The other pick was the steelers so I'm still alive.

Week 3 I had only one entry to work with so I chose what I thought would be a gimme. Giants over Bengals. Turned out it was a total nail-biter in overtime. Thank god the Giants pulled it off. In seemingly unrelated news here is a picture of a tomato.

You may now continue with your day.

Kitty Torture

2008-09-20T11:33:00.000-04:00

Actually we can't really tell if the cats love this thing or hate it. We have a bird feeder that sits in our window like an air conditioner.

The birds come to have a snack and the cats sit and watch them.

Occasionally the cats will bat at the glass with their paws but the birds only fly away for a second then they come right back. The cats can't figure out why the birds aren't afraid of them. Hours of entertainment.

What's Wrong With This Picture

2008-09-19T09:53:00.000-04:00

I saw this ad on the way to work this morning. Air Tran should fire their marketing firm pronto. What were they thinking comparing a ride in one of their planes to a roller coaster? Roller coasters are exciting. If there is one thing in my life I want to be exceptionally boring it's a plane ride. I want it in no way to resemble a roller coaster. I know the point of this ad is probably to say "hey fly with us and you'll be on a roller coaster in no time!" But that's not what I got from the ad at all and I have been to other blogs that agree.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/ezraball/2694774830/

http://realfake.org/blog/2008/07/22/airtran-roller-coaster/

This is not the first Air Tran ad that I found to be a head-scratcher.

Maybe it's just me but this commercial gives me the creeps. What about springing long term babysitting duties on an unsuspecting elderly couple is supposed to make me want to fly Air Tran? "Air Tran: Wicked assholes fly with us!" "Air Tran: Fly with us and feel as though you are plummeting to your death!"

If this is all it takes to make money in marketing, bad ideas that is, sign me up! I have a slew of bad ideas!

I'm just not ready

2008-09-16T21:44:00.000-04:00

There was a definite chill in the air today. The sort of chill that isn't a temporary blip. It's fall. Ordinarily I'd be all kinds of excited about the cooler weather; fall wardrobe, the big switch from iced to hot tea, good hair days and the visions of skiing in a few months. All of these are welcome to me in September. I have always valued having a fall birthday. September 30th is a great time of year around here. But...

August was cold. Most of the month was wet and chilly. I found myself wearing a jacket in August. Even in New England that is just absurd. Thus the beginning of autumn is bittersweet. I like the idea of a fire in the fireplace and the cool, crisp, breathable air. But I feel as though I have been robbed of a month of summer.

So, mother nature, if it pleases you please send a few unseasonably warm days our way. Much appreciated.

Dumb Things Amendment

2008-09-16T19:31:00.000-04:00

Warm weather scarves are ok now that the weather is cooler.

Football/Gambling Season

2008-09-08T20:09:00.000-04:00

Anyone that knows me will attest that I am not much of a gambler. I buy scratch tickets occasionally, maybe play Keno if I'm bored at a bar and I'll buy a power ball ticket when I'm in NH. That's pretty much it. I think that casinos are probably the most unpleasant place one could possibly be. All that clanging and dinging and moaning of tortured souls sitting blindly in front of the slot machines. Shudder

But there is something about football that makes me want to bet, bet, bet my fanny off. For years I have done the pool with the spread and I won once ($300) and split once ($125). Now I've signed on to this office thing called the winner's pool. It seems like it would be easy; pick a team that you think will win. No spread. No selecting fantasy players. I bought two entries because I would have been devastated if I'd have been eliminated the first week. My first week's picks are:

New Orleans (they won but, man, what a nail-biter, and I had to go against my 2nd favorite team Tampa Bay) and Denver. Denver plays Oakland tonight in Oakland. I didn't take into account that they aren't at home but, it's Oakland, they suck. So far so good. Even if Denver loses I'm still alive. Next week I'll get back into the regular pool as well with the spreads and all.

I think my draw to football betting is that it makes Sundays more interesting at a time of the year that can get very depressing in New England. It's gray and cold and it gets dark at 4pm. I love having lots to cheer for. The Pats only play once a week. I have something to cheer for every game!

Michael does fantasy football. He didn't pick Tom Brady this year. Lucky for him. Don't even get me started. Devastating injury.

I'll keep you posted on my gambling efforts. Keep your fingers crossed for me. If you do I'll buy you a beer with the winnings.

US Open

2008-09-08T19:30:00.000-04:00

It comes as no surprise that Federer has won the US Open. His opponent was hardly a match for him. In fact I believe that the handshake at the end of the match was not a handshake at all, but Federer actually handing Murray his ass. I'm sure you'll see footage of the handshake on the news. Look closely. You'll see it.

The Wedding Train

2008-09-08T09:28:00.000-04:00

Wedding number 3 of the Julie/Michael/Andy/Susan/Eric/Julie wedding train was a fitting wrap up. What a great time!

A Quick Survey

2008-09-03T21:49:00.000-04:00

I just checked my email and this is what I saw:

Based on your e-Rewards profile, you are invited to earn e-Rewards Currency for completing a Quick Survey about Plastic Surgery.

What in the wide world of sports is in my profile that would lead them to believe that I'd be any kind of authority on plastic surgery? I don't even color my hair!!

Out of curiosity I clicked on the link and they asked me if I'd had my boobs done or if my lips plumped or my face lifted...

Clearly I checked the wrong box at some point.

God Bless Our Miserable Asses

2008-09-03T19:40:00.000-04:00

Only in America do we have an index to measure how miserable we are.
http://www.miseryindex.us/

Here's a picture of a bunny. Sorry this blog post is such a roller coaster of emotion.

Boston is Wicked Cool

2008-09-01T16:29:00.000-04:00

Yesterday we went to Boston's North End for the Feast of St. Anthony. Our friends had a party and they live right in the middle of the epi-center of the festival. So much fun! It's the one day in Boston that you can walk around with an adult beverage in your hand and no one says boo. Here are some of the pics I took.

Lost on Blue Hill

2008-09-01T16:10:00.000-04:00

Faithful readers that live in the Boston area are saying, "huh? You got lost on Blue Hill?" Yes indeed folks Michael and I lost our path on Blue Hill and had a hell of a time righting ourselves. I wish I could say it's a huge mountain or that it was not well marked but these statements would be lies. We were just too wrapped up in conversation and we missed our turn to stay on the red dot trail.

Why, you must be asking, is this blog worthy? I am not writing about this to draw attention to our stupidity. I just think that it's worth mentioning that Michael and I have been together for 10+ years now and we can still get so engrossed in conversation that we lose our way on a hike together. Now that is love.

Softball is Hard

2008-08-21T23:58:00.000-04:00

Last night was our semi-summerial (that means two times in the summer and if it wasn't a word before, it is now) company softball game. We play our law firm on the common and it's a pretty fun time. The law firm provides the beer and pizza and the occasional softball glove, not to mention the bats, the use of the field and their presence in non-billable hours. We all just sort of show up appropriately dressed and liquored up. The outing in June was a great time. We lost but the game was close and we didn't care much because we drank the free beer and it lessened the sting a bit. This time was much, much different.

We arrived to find out that the beer had been confiscated by the authorities. They left the pizza but pizza with no beer is like...well...softball with no beer. So while we all waited for someone to come up with a cooler and tell us we'd been punked we also took notice of one other minor detail. No lights. The lights were eventually turned on but we remained very thirsty throughout the entire game. Foreshadowing at its finest.

We lost. But, unlike the first game of the season, we lost hard. The score wasn't even close and there was no beer to take away the agony of defeat. We felt every run our lawyers scored like they were personally bludgeoning us with bats. We didn't go out there expecting to be great but we did at least harbor some hope of not having our asses handed to us. Here is what we learned from the experience:

1) You can't possibly play softball twice a year and expect to kick ass against a team that plays weekly. Next year we practice.

2) Beer is a necessary element to good softball. It's absence was felt by all.

3) We need better lawyers. Good lawyers could have talked the coppers out of taking the beer in the first place.

So lessons learned. We'll show up next year, mark my words. There are pictures of the massacre below.

Nil says a little prayer which was not heard by the softball gods.

Their team's pitcher. Seriously.

Our Fan.

The wave.

Me doing my best impression of Jason Varitek.

Don't be sad Nil!

Ball Girl's Last day

2008-08-20T20:17:00.000-04:00

Did anyone else just see that? Sox vs. Baltimore in Baltimore. Ball girl plays a fair ball!!! If she was at Fenway the "faithful" would have strung her up from the monster and stoned her to death.

Gravity Issues

2008-08-20T19:35:00.000-04:00

Lately I have been very busy at work which makes the day fly by so I don't complain. Well, I do complain but only if things aren't going my way which tends to happen a lot. One of my little projects was a mailing about the new housing law that just passed. This involved making about 500 labels.

If you work in an office you may have run into this problem before. I have no printer of my own so I have to share a printer with about 10-20 other people. For some reason I can't get the printer to allow a manual feed for labels so I have to place the label page in the drawer with the regular paper and make my way back to my desk to push print before one of the 10-20 other people push print on their print jobs. About five times someone beat me to the punch and my label page came out with someone else's letter or memo on it. At first it was amusing and the person who's memo was now sticky and I would just laugh it off.

Then I started running out of labels. No longer a joking matter.

I had one label that needed to be fixed and reprinted. I was determined to have this one label come out with no issues so I put the page in the drawer and hauled ass back to my cube. I turned the corner and my ankle and I had a quick discussion that went something like this:

My Ankle: What the hell are you doing?
Me: Running.
My Ankle: We don't run! I'll put a stop to this.

My ankle then seized up and threw a little pain in to boot. I fell. AGAIN. (for those of you that are new to the blog I have had a recent history of falling down while stone cold sober. You can read about one such instance in "My Shady Past." The other two instances were not my fault. Uneven pavement! My plasterer pledged my floors! I blogged about it on Myspace I'll save you the gory details.)

Anyway, everyone thought it was hilarious, har-de har har. Everyone, of course, except my boss, Guy, who calmly turned his head, looked at me on the floor and went back to his conversation. I swear I could be on fire and if he was working he would think twice about putting me out.

I am going to have to be very careful not to set myself on fire at the office.

On the Fence

2008-08-15T16:29:00.000-04:00

Ah, Cuz...

My husband and I got married in March. We had a very nice wedding with all the bells and whistles. And by bells and whistles I mean save the dates and invitations. Invitations with RSVP cards, no less. Today we got an RSVP in the mail. Mind you, it is August. We have been married now for five months.

Cuz, It's good to know you have no regrets and that you had a great time at the wedding. This will be the one RSVP that we actually save.

My Shady Past

2008-08-13T20:33:00.000-04:00

Some of you may have been readers of my past blog. I started blogging on myspace because my sisters are on there and I was keeping them updated on the new house. I feel that I have graduated from myspace now, hence the new venue. I did have some decent blog posts on there and I would not feel right about keeping them from my new readers. This post will be devoted to some oldies but goodies. My shady past.
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Saturday, September 08, 2007
To all my FLA peeps. I love you but you just don't get it. In a place where it's warm year round you just can't understand the excitement of a 90+ degree day after Labor Day. It's like a gift from the otherwise dormant summer gods. Today was such a day. Today I squeezed in my last beach day.

I got to the train station in plenty of time so I bought my ticket and headed over to the 7-11 and bought a Harper's Bazzar and a Cosmo (Cosmo was promising that I could shock my man in the bedroom, how could I resist?) and set off for the last beach day of 2007. Heavy-ass bag over my shoulder (the Harper's mag was the "biggest issue ever" in hindsight maybe not the best choice) I hopped the train and made the trek to the Singing Beach in Manchester By The Sea. Once I got to the beach I walked through the parking lot and down the sidewalk. The singing beach is not big so it fills up fast. I was trying to get the lay of the land and pick the best spot for my late summer sunbathing adventure when I stumbled on a rock and fell down. The heavy-ass bag took me right over, I had no hope of catching my balance with that stupid Harper's mag in the mix.

On my way down I thought "Oh my god I fell down AGAIN! Two times in one summer!"

So with my pride bruised again and my knee scratched up again I made my way to the spot that I had seen just before the big collapse. I laid down my blanket and turned around to find the people behind me settling in about 3 feet away. Uh...WTF??

Whatever, at this point I was more concerned with the bloody, sand covered wound on my knee. I decided to take a swim to wash it off but found the water to be ridiculously cold. Seriously, I have developed a pretty good tolerance for cold water but this was too much. I knew when my feet hit the wet sand; it was offensively cold. Not even the water, the sand was cold. So I made it in up to my calves and splashed some water on the wound to clean out the sand.

Salt water heals all.

Back at my blanket I struck up a conversation with the guy next to me because, well...they were three feet away so if you can't beat 'em join 'em. I mentioned my fall and he went fishing in his wife's bag and came up with a medicated wipe. I gladly accepted it. Then I read the package...

Tucks Take Alongs: Witch Hazel Hemorrhoidal Towelette

What was I going to say "No thanks my knee doesn't have hemorrhoids?" I read the package carefully to make sure there was no actual hemorrhoid medication, it was just witch hazel, placed it on my knee and laid down in the sun to reflect.

So let's sum up.

I fell down again. My last beach day consists of falling down and then laying in the sun with a hemorrhoid pad on my knee, reading Harper's Bazzar. Have the models in these ads ever laid on the beach with a hemorrhoid pad on their knee? I think not!

So that was my last beach day of the summer. Could have been better.
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Wednesday, April 02, 2008 -Celebucat-
Well, it was bound to happen. The Foz is famous.

http://www.stuffonmycat.com/index.php?itemid=4693c

Has he let it go to his head? Absolutely...or maybe it’s just spring fever.

In the summertime we always have the windows open. We have AC only in the bedrooms and we strictly use it a few nighs a year when it’s really hot. So the cats are really into the whole fresh air and outside noises thing. They love to spend time on the three season porch and we usually leave the kitchen door open so they can chillax out there. Lately, as the weather has started warming a bit, the Foz has taken to testing the waters, if you will. He darts out the kitchen door into the three season porch once or twice a day to see if it’s warm enough to hang out. He makes his escape and hangs out there for about 3 minutes, decides that it’s frickin cold as hell and signals that he wants back in. What’s funny is that this has only been going on for the last week or so. It’s not like it’s gotten that warm out and we certainly haven’t opened any windows yet. Somehow the Foz knows it’s almost time to enjoy the fresh air and warm weather. Spring is on the doorstep and the Foz is acutely aware.

Puxsutawney Phil watch your back. I’ve got a 18 lb cat that wants your job and he ain’t afraid of his shadow.

I’m right there with you Foz. I need the warm weather soon.
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Sunday, April 13, 2008
"So How's Married Life Treating You?"
I think about 7,000 people have asked me that and my knee-jerk reaction is "not much has changed." Really there isn't much different now from before March 15th, we handle everthing like we did before.

Actually, that's not entirely true. Something has changed.

Last weekend Michael came busting in the front door going on about a cat in our tree. I said, "Is it one of our cats?"

He said "No."

I said, "I think you should just leave it be."

He said, "But the kids are scared."

For those of you that are not in the know, we don't have kids.
So I looked out the window and there are the two Latino kids from accross the street. I think they must be about 5 and 7 years old or so. Very cute. They are standing there, demure faces, staring up at the tree in question, which, by the way, I can't see from the window. With a roll of my eyes and increasing unease I put on my shoes and head out into the front yard.

Michael and the cat are in the tree. Michael is gently trying to calm the cat and lift it off of the branch without getting shredded. The cat is no more than 8 feet off the ground. 8 feet! The cat could make that jump easily but Michael feels that it's necessary to be the neighborhood hero and save the cat's life.

I promise, I'm getting to the point.

Michael says, "Come around the tree and I'll hand you the cat."

Pre marriage answer: "Puh-leeze, I'm not letting you drop a freaked out animal with claws and teeth on me from that tree."

Post marriage answer: "ok"

I went around and took the cat from Michael and, thank god I was wearing a sweatshirt because he totally let the claws fly. Was my decision to catch a falling cat because of a temporary shut-down of my sensibilities? Or was it because my husband, not my boyfriend, asked me to do it?

After the cat was safely on the ground I turned to the kids and asked, "Is that your cat?"

"No"
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Tuesday, April 22, 2008

"The sea was angry that day my friends." - George Costanza

A few weeks ago I did one of those dopey surveys and one of the questions was "Pool or Ocean?" I answered Ocean. I have always preferred the ocean to the pool. I like the motion of the ocean, baby. This in mind, when Jenette and I made last minute plans to head down to the Bahamas for a long weekend, one of the things I was looking forward to was swimming in the ocean. It's been a long winter and going for a swim seemed like heaven.

Our first full day there was very relaxing indeed. I hung out on the beach and read a magazine. When I got hot enough I went in the water for a dip. The waves were pretty big and the under-tow seemed strong, but I'm a fairly strong swimmer and felt as though I could handle it. I swam out past the break and hung out for a while, when the waves seemed to calm down I tried to head in to resume my relaxation. On my way out of the water a woman on the shore pointed behind me and said "Hey, watch out."

Where ever you are, lady on the shore, I thank you because if this wave had caught me by surprise I may not be writing this right now. I turned around and the biggest wave I have ever seen was quickly approaching. Actually, let me qualify that statement. It was not the biggest wave I have ever seen, per se, but definitely the biggest that I have ever seen coming right at me. I don't know how big it was but I had to look up to see the top. I was standing at a point on the shore that I'd have to run back to dive into it (which I didn't think I'd have time to do before it broke) and making it to shore in time was not an option as the previous wave's backdraw was preventing me from walking effectively. In hindsight diving in was probably the right call but I was a bit freaked out and the thought of diving into a wave that size scared me a little.

The wave hit me hard and tossed me ass-hole over ear canal, upside down, right side up. I am extremely lucky that I didn't hit my head in the fray. The mighty Atlantic deposited me, like seaweed, onto the shore. I felt like a shipwreck victim. I had a half pound of sand in my hair and another pound or so in my swim-suit. I had to go back up to our room to shower off and change suits.

The remainder of the vacation I swam in the pool and sat at the swim up bar.

Pool or Ocean? Give me a month or two before I answer that for real. For now I'll take the pool.

Olympic Coverage

2008-08-12T20:08:00.000-04:00

Ok that's misleading. I'm sitting on my couch watching the games on TV. I'm not at the games. I'm not even in China. But here are a few observations from Brighton.
Alexander Artemev got robbed on the Pommel Horse. How that didn't get a 16 I do not know. That brings up another observation. No more perfect 10. I don't know about you but I was watching when Mary Lou hit her perfect 10 vault in 1984. That perfect 10 was what all Olympic gymnasts sought after. What is there to work for now? Something over 16? How vague!

This is my observation for today. That and Michael Phelps has some seriously rockin abs.

If you want to check out a real blog about China check out my friend Mike Shaw. The crazy bastard moved to Beijing. Not just for the Olympics...for good.
www.beijingbostonian.com

He's a great guy. Beijing is a lucky, overcrowded, smoggy city to have him. I hope they appreciate our sacrifice.

Olympic Fever

2008-08-12T20:07:00.001-04:00

I've got it and I'm tired. Up too late.

Olympic Medal winners at NBC Olympics.com!

Resilient Squirrels and Delicious Chicken

2008-08-01T10:29:00.000-04:00

If you think these things have nothing to do with each other, you are dead on. It just so happens that they are in my head at the same time. First the delicious chicken.

Below is a picture of my garden gnome, Jim. He stands guard over my recently planted herb garden. If you look closely you can see the basil and some parsley.

I love Jim.

Now that I have fresh herbs in the backyard I have become very inventive with my cooking. I add fresh parsley to my rice and I throw sage leaves in homemade white beans. Deee licious. But I think my roasted chicken has benefited the most from the herbs. I'll tell you my secret.
You'll need:
1 Roaster Chicken
Fresh herbs
Sea Salt
Olive Oil
Freshly ground black pepper
1 Stalk Celery
4 Cloves Garlic
1 Small onion or Shallot

Buy yourself a chicken of the roaster variety. Clean out the guts and cook 'em up for your kitties. Pick some (or buy some if you are not lucky enough to have an herb garden) fresh herbs. I use a few sprigs of oregano, thyme, rosemary and sage. Reserve half of the herbs aside and chop the other half finely, mix with 2 cloves of chopped garlic, salt and pepper and 2 tablespoons or so of olive oil. Set aside.
Crush the remaining garlic with the handle of a knife and grab the remaining fresh herbs and stuff it in the chicken cavity. cut the celery in 3 or 4 pieces and stuff that in too. Cut the onion in half and stuff that in (as much as you can) you can get creative here. I have stuffed in mushrooms and peppers. Close cavity with a toothpick. This is not stuffing you'll eat it just provides flavor.
Take the herb mixture and rub above and beneath (this is KEY) the skin of the chicken. Roast chicken as you normally would till the juices run clear.

This chicken is delicious.

Now on to the damn squirrels.

We are not fond of these squirrels because they scare away the birds and threaten to topple our feeder. Some friends of ours told us that putting red pepper flakes in our bird feeder would keep the squirrels away. Thus far, the squirrels have not even noticed it's there. In fact the squirrels have become more aggressive and actually sit on the sidelines in wait and rush through the crowd of unsuspecting birdies, then claiming the seed for themselves. They work in pairs sometimes.

If anyone has a better solution (short of shooting them. I'll admit it may be fun but discharging firearms within the Suffolk county lines is discouraged) let me know. For now I'll be taking the red pepper flakes out of the basement and back to the kitchen to use next time I make my chicken.

Dumb Things - July 2008

2008-07-25T12:32:00.000-04:00

Unless you live in a cave (or Spring Hill FL) you have probably been to a Starbucks. Even people that are vehemently opposed to patronizing Starbucks grab a coffee in a pinch. How can you not? They're on every corner. My starbucks is across the street from my office building. The people are nice enough but the order taker is really condescending. He'll correct you if your phrasing is off.

"I'll have a double shot of espresso"
"No, you'll have a dopio. Next time ask for a dopio"

Or if your word order is off.

"I'll have a venti iced tea, unsweetened"
"Please say iced first"

But the other day this guy really ticked me off. As you know, if you don't live in a cave or Spring Hill, in busier Starbucks there is an ordering counter, a payment (and tipping) counter and a pick up counter. When I arrived for my beverage there was no one at the ordering counter so I moved on to the payment counter. I placed my order with the girl and she calls out my iced tea and the turkey bacon sandwich. The iced tea order goes off without a hitch but when the coffee order Nazi got wind that I didn't order through him he had a little fit and tried to humiliate me in front of the entire store. Fortunately he's not that bright so his attempt was ridiculous. He came over and in a really loud voice asked me what kind of turkey I wanted.

"Uh...", I said "what kind of turkey do I want?"
"Yeah"
"I just want a turkey bacon sandwich. Since when does Starbucks offer different kinds of turkey?"
He totally ignored my comment and said,
"You should have ordered through me"

So now my Starbucks is the one a half a block away and around the corner. It's a little further away and sometimes painfully slow, but anything is better than dealing with a coffee slinging jackass that thinks he's better than me because he knows the Starbucks lingo.

It is at my new Starbucks that I saw Dumb Thing #1.

The barista (is a male barista still a barista? Is he a baristo?) is a young man I guess about in his early twenties. He is a fairly big guy, reddish brown hair. It's his hair that gets me. He has a regular haircut on the right side of his head and then on the left side it's long and shaggy, like it hasn't seen a pair of scissors in years. He was turning around constantly so I could see the goofy hairstyle from all angles multiple times. I couldn't stop looking at it. I tried to imagine what could have possibly happened that would have made such a coif. Maybe in the middle of his cut the barbershop caught on fire. Or he realized that he only had enough money for half of a cut. Like when you're in a cab and you realize that it's going to cost a lot more than what you have in your wallet.

"Dude, just drop me here."

I have a suspicion, though, that it is entirely deliberate and that the barista in question considers himself "edgy." I got news for you, pal. Not edgy as much as really dumb. You have made my first list of dumb things.

The second Dumb Thing is pictured below:

This is what's called the warm weather scarf. Note, if you will, the breezy summer hairstyle and the short sleeved summer top. All aspects of this model's outfit are appropriate for the warm weather except one. The warm weather scarf. I have seen a few girls around Boston wearing these ridiculous accessories. It's July and, believe it or not, it does get hot in the northeast. We have had a few days well into the 90s and still these girls are walking around in scarves. Being a slave to fashion often puts you in jeopardy of being sucked into dumb fads.

Am I just getting old? Is wearing winter clothes in the summertime and cutting your hair so you resemble one of those half man and half woman Halloween costumes cool? Hip? Did I miss something?